I actually had a really good weekend. I can't say I did anything really overly exciting. Friday night I hung out with my friends, and I'm glad the new girl wasn't there. Cause I didn't want to have to deal with it right then. Saturday I slept till noon, hung out at my brothers store, and then went to the show they put on at a local club. It was a great show everybody there absolutely loved them.
Sunday was when things started to go... Well let's see bad isn't the right word to use, because I happened to like what transpired. Let's just say that things took a turn for the interesting. After I got back from church that morning I spent most of the day at home. I had an essay due today (Monday) that I still didn't quite have finished. Also, since I hung out with my friends on Friday and my brother on Saturday, I had tons of calculus homework. It takes at least an hour every night to get just my calculus work done, sometimes up to two hours. No joke, if you've never taken calculus you'll just have to take my word for it.
As I was saying, I spent most of the day at home getting my school work finished for today. Once I finally got done, which was around 5, I decided to head over to Patch's and see what he was up to. When I need something to do hanging out with Patch is the first thing that comes to mind. I took the bus over (I can't wait till I'm 16, have my license, and can drive and no longer have to take the bus) and just my luck he wasn't there.
Jonah was working and of course decided that he didn't need to inform me that my brother and his friends had just left to get dinner about 5 minutes earlier. No, I got all the way upstairs to Patch's apartment to find it almost empty. I say almost because Nolan was the only one who was there. For those of you who don't know (Go back and read my earlier posting to get up to speed on everything), or have forgotten Nolan is the drummer in my brothers kick ass band.
"Where is everybody?" I asked.
"You just missed them, Tal. They all went to get dinner."
"Then why are you still here?"
"I though I could use a little extra practice learning the bands songs. I mean those guys have been playing these songs forever, and I still feel like I could do better," he replied hitting one of his cymbals.
I rolled my eyes and fell back onto a couch with a huff, "That figures. I finally get the chance to get out of the house and that loser isn't even here."
Nolan laughed, and let me tell you not only is he gorgeous but that smile of his could warm your heart from a mile away. "Your always welcome to keep me company."
That's exactly what I did. I watched him practice on the drums for a bit. That might sound boring, but trust me it wasn't. Watching him was like poetry in motion. After awhile he got tired from playing and he took a seat next to me on my brothers old beat up couch. (Actually I think it used to belong to my parents back when my brother was like 5. So, it's at least 30 years old.) We started talking, about anything and everything there was. Nolan told me what it was like for him back in high school, how he got into the drums, and just more about him. I talked about school, what I wanted to do for college, how I loved playing soccer, and because it's me I started babbling about how I loved school because of what a challenge it was. (Thinking about it now I know how much of a dork I sounded like.)
Before either of us knew it it was already 8:00, and I knew I should be getting home. Wait, you're probably wondering how my night was so confusing? Well, I haven't gotten to that part yet. Just after I got done saying that I should be heading home, and that Patch would probably be back any minute, he leaned in close and kissed me. Now, when I say kiss I don't just mean a little friendly kiss. It was a real; heart stopping, world spinning, leave you breathless kind of kiss. I was as shocked as I'm sure all of you are. Honestly I wasn't expecting that, not that I'm going to complain.
After he kissed me he decided to walk me down to the store, since he needed to be leaving too. We got to the door that lead into the back of the store and he and bent down and gave me a quick kiss before pushing through the door and heading home. He left me standing there dazed and confused. I knew I needed to get home before I wasn't able to find my way. As I made my way to the front door I heard someone clear their throat.
I turned to see Jonah sitting on the counter, "Hey there darlin leaving so soon?"
I glared at him. He either was just trying to get on my nerves or he had something to say. I was hoping it was the latter. "What do you want?"
"Oh, nothing," which obviously meant not nothing. "I just don't think it's very becoming of a young lady whose only 15 to be making out with a 22 year old man."
"I wasn't making out with anybody."
"Not from where I was standing," even when he was being a total ass I couldn't help but admire his sexy smile, and that made me a bit depressed.
"It was not, it was barely even a kiss," I defended myself.
He held up his hands in mock surrender, "He I was only messing around. You go ahead and kiss whoever you want to. I'm only going to say one more thing about it. If that's alright with you?" I didn't respond, because I knew that even if I told him I didn't want to hear it he'd tell me anyway. He took my silence as consent to continue, because that's just what he did. "I just don't think Nolan is the type of guy you should be kissing. You can do a 100 times better then him."
I gave him a knowing smile, "I see how it is. Your just jealous because I told you to get lost when you kissed me, freak."
"That's funny," he pretended to laugh, "But really I'm not jealous. I know guys like Nolan and he not the kind you want to be kissing. You're just going to have to trust me, sweetheart. If you decide not to take my advice and keep on kissing him there's going to come a time when you realize that I'm right. But I'll be nice and won't say I told you so, I'll just be there to listen. I'm a really good listener you know."
"Why on earth would I take advice from you? You only tried to shove your tongue down my throat the first time I met you," he gave me a guilty grin. "I have to be going home."
"Fine, but you'll see."
I stopped with my hand on the front door, " Oh, and Jonah, don't say anything about any of this to anyone."
"My lips are sealed."
As I'm sure you can tell I really don't know what to think. I don't know whether to be elated that I was kissed by such a handsome older guy, or worried about what Jonah said about him. But then again can I really trust anything that Jonah says to me. (If you don't know the story behind Jonah and myself go read my blog about New Years, that will clear everything up.) I don't know what to think or what to do. I need some help and I need it fast.
But all of that aside, I love you all,
Tal
Monday, October 6, 2008
Monday, September 29, 2008
Maybe I'm Just Paranoid But...
I know it's been awhile since I last posted anything, but I'm back. I've been so busy with school work it's not even funny, and coming from me that saying something. Seeing as how I like school. Maybe not homework so much, but just school in general.
This year there's a new girl in school. Her name is Cassandra, but she goes by Cassie. She's absolutely gorgeous. You know how a long time ago I mentioned how beautiful my best friend Posie is, well you could say she's even more beautiful. Or just in different ways. It's not just looks she has either, she's got brains as well. She's in a lot of my advanced placement classes as well.
Oh, and don't forget the fact that she's trying to steal my friends. Yeah, I know that sounds all third grade and immature (and I have had people tell me that already), but it's completely true. She sits with us every day at lunch. That might not seem so bad, but let me tell you about it. When I get to the table everyone is already there, talking and laughing, having a great time. The second I sit down they stop talking about whatever it was they were talking about, with a complete subject change. Wait, I haven't reached the best part yet. What happens when I ask them what they're talking about? Cassie looks over at me condescendingly and tells me it was nothing, and I shouldn't worry about it. I wasn't worrying, your crazy .... (I'm not even going to say what I was thinking, but you know.)
Of course I would ask Posie, every time, what they were talking about and why it was just a secret. She, being my best friend, would tell me what they had been talking about and it wasn't even great conversation. So, my question is then why is Cassie not allowing me to join in the conversation? My guess would be that for some reason, that I can't fathom, she just does not like me. The real question is though, if she doesn't like me why is she spending so much time with my friends? I don't know, but I'll keep you posted.
What people think of the situation:
Well all until next time have a great week, and don't get into too much trouble.
I love you all, Tal.
This year there's a new girl in school. Her name is Cassandra, but she goes by Cassie. She's absolutely gorgeous. You know how a long time ago I mentioned how beautiful my best friend Posie is, well you could say she's even more beautiful. Or just in different ways. It's not just looks she has either, she's got brains as well. She's in a lot of my advanced placement classes as well.
Oh, and don't forget the fact that she's trying to steal my friends. Yeah, I know that sounds all third grade and immature (and I have had people tell me that already), but it's completely true. She sits with us every day at lunch. That might not seem so bad, but let me tell you about it. When I get to the table everyone is already there, talking and laughing, having a great time. The second I sit down they stop talking about whatever it was they were talking about, with a complete subject change. Wait, I haven't reached the best part yet. What happens when I ask them what they're talking about? Cassie looks over at me condescendingly and tells me it was nothing, and I shouldn't worry about it. I wasn't worrying, your crazy .... (I'm not even going to say what I was thinking, but you know.)
Of course I would ask Posie, every time, what they were talking about and why it was just a secret. She, being my best friend, would tell me what they had been talking about and it wasn't even great conversation. So, my question is then why is Cassie not allowing me to join in the conversation? My guess would be that for some reason, that I can't fathom, she just does not like me. The real question is though, if she doesn't like me why is she spending so much time with my friends? I don't know, but I'll keep you posted.
What people think of the situation:
- Posie- She's new and she doesn't know anyone so I should give her the benefit of the doubt, and not think she's out to get me.
- Patch- That I'm being paranoid. I need to stop seeing what I want to see and see what's really there. Easy for him to say he's never met her, and seen how she acts towards me.
- Jonah- That I'm probably right and she's out to get me. She wants to steal my friends and my life. Of course after he says this he start laughing uncontrollably. Can I really listen to what he says? I mean you do remember who Jonah is right?
Well all until next time have a great week, and don't get into too much trouble.
I love you all, Tal.
Monday, September 1, 2008
School Is Once Again Starting!
It would seem that I'm doing absolutely on this holiday of ours. It's also the last day before school once again starts up for the year. I find myself once more in the familiar predicament of not wanting the summer and my freedom of only having to do what I want (and sometimes my parents) to having to return to the routine of school, Monday tru Friday. Yet, it's not as bad for me as it is for all my other friends, because I really like going to school. Which I know sounds completely crazy coming from a 15 year old sophomore.
I'm more then ready for my classes to start and to get back to the pleasure of learning. That's what it is for me, even if you or anyone else might not think it's all that sane. Although, I'll be a bit sad that I will no longer have all the time in the world to just sit and relax with a good book, because that's also something I do. School will be amazing this year though. I'll be taking chemistry, calculus, my second year of Russian, art history, and the best class of them all drivers ed.
Even if the first day of school is dreaded to all my other classmates, I dare you to find one sophomore, just one, who isn't completely excited to be taking drivers ed this year. I mean what teenager hasn't been looking fore ward to being able to drive since they were like 6. I know I have.
With today being my last day of freedom before school starts back up I'm going to enjoy it the best way I know how. I'm going down to my brothers store and hang out with the coolest band that's ever rocked this town. Anyways, I'll see you all around.
I'm more then ready for my classes to start and to get back to the pleasure of learning. That's what it is for me, even if you or anyone else might not think it's all that sane. Although, I'll be a bit sad that I will no longer have all the time in the world to just sit and relax with a good book, because that's also something I do. School will be amazing this year though. I'll be taking chemistry, calculus, my second year of Russian, art history, and the best class of them all drivers ed.
Even if the first day of school is dreaded to all my other classmates, I dare you to find one sophomore, just one, who isn't completely excited to be taking drivers ed this year. I mean what teenager hasn't been looking fore ward to being able to drive since they were like 6. I know I have.
With today being my last day of freedom before school starts back up I'm going to enjoy it the best way I know how. I'm going down to my brothers store and hang out with the coolest band that's ever rocked this town. Anyways, I'll see you all around.
Thursday, July 24, 2008
A Summer On The Road
Hey everyone, sorry I haven't been on for the last two months, but my life has been crazy and unpredictable. My brother and his band decided to tour these past few months. From the end of May till the middle of July. My parents didn't want to let me go at first, but I begged and I pleaded. In the end Patch promised them he'd bring me back in one piece, without any tattoos. Not that I would get one anyway. I have an irrational fear of needles, I'm a bit needle phobic (Or whatever the phobia is called.)
They finally agreed to let me go, once the school year officially ended of course. So, I've been traveling the east coast with my totally cool older brother, his amazingly awesome band mates, and their completely sexy new drummer. Which by the way I got to know a lot better. Nolan's really fun and we seem to have the same interests, in like books and music and stuff. I certainly will be hanging out with the band more often. Question: If I'm the lead singers little sister does that still mean I'm a groupie, or what?
The reason I haven't been able to get online and keep you all up to date is because I currently don't own a laptop. Patch has one, but it was being a bitch and would barely come online long enough to check email before it would disconnect itself. It sucked that I couldn't keep my loyal fans (that's everyone reading this right now) up to date on the fun and crazy life that was my summer touring with a band.
Now that summer is winding down and the school year is fast approaching I'll have more time to keep in touch. I'll be doing some back to school shopping with my friends hoping to find the right style, except I'm not really sure that the cloths I wear would be considered style. At least, that's what my friends would tell you anyway.
To be honest with you I can't wait for the school year to start back up. I love school, and learning, but it's also my sophomore year. You know what that means right? Drivers Ed. I get to learn how to drive and when I turn 16 in January I'll get my license, and my parents will get me my first car. Even if it's a POS, that they'll pay probably $2,000 for.
Well, I'll let you know what's going on as things progress throughout the year. But for now I've got places to go and things to see. OK, not really, but it sounded cool.
They finally agreed to let me go, once the school year officially ended of course. So, I've been traveling the east coast with my totally cool older brother, his amazingly awesome band mates, and their completely sexy new drummer. Which by the way I got to know a lot better. Nolan's really fun and we seem to have the same interests, in like books and music and stuff. I certainly will be hanging out with the band more often. Question: If I'm the lead singers little sister does that still mean I'm a groupie, or what?
The reason I haven't been able to get online and keep you all up to date is because I currently don't own a laptop. Patch has one, but it was being a bitch and would barely come online long enough to check email before it would disconnect itself. It sucked that I couldn't keep my loyal fans (that's everyone reading this right now) up to date on the fun and crazy life that was my summer touring with a band.
Now that summer is winding down and the school year is fast approaching I'll have more time to keep in touch. I'll be doing some back to school shopping with my friends hoping to find the right style, except I'm not really sure that the cloths I wear would be considered style. At least, that's what my friends would tell you anyway.
To be honest with you I can't wait for the school year to start back up. I love school, and learning, but it's also my sophomore year. You know what that means right? Drivers Ed. I get to learn how to drive and when I turn 16 in January I'll get my license, and my parents will get me my first car. Even if it's a POS, that they'll pay probably $2,000 for.
Well, I'll let you know what's going on as things progress throughout the year. But for now I've got places to go and things to see. OK, not really, but it sounded cool.
Friday, May 30, 2008
A Poem For a Boy
I fall into oblivion
Wondering in a daze
I look to see you standing there
A smile on your face
You hold your hand out to me
And I find it hard to breath
I want to be in your arms
And never slip away
I find myself falling
Falling faster
Faster for you
I never felt so scared inside
Yet happy all at the same time
I want to hear you call my name
And tell me everything is all right
I only want to see your face
Just once outside my dreams
I always seem to find you there
But never when I wake
When I open my eyes your smile and touch slowly fade away.
No matter what I say or do I seem to be falling
Falling faster in love with you
Wondering in a daze
I look to see you standing there
A smile on your face
You hold your hand out to me
And I find it hard to breath
I want to be in your arms
And never slip away
I find myself falling
Falling faster
Faster for you
I never felt so scared inside
Yet happy all at the same time
I want to hear you call my name
And tell me everything is all right
I only want to see your face
Just once outside my dreams
I always seem to find you there
But never when I wake
When I open my eyes your smile and touch slowly fade away.
No matter what I say or do I seem to be falling
Falling faster in love with you
Sunday, April 27, 2008
Could I Have Been Any Stupider?
I went to my local Barnes n' Noble yesterday afternoon and that's when I met Skyler. He was 5'9" with dirty blond hair and pale green eyes. Might I add that he was freaking gorgeous. I was sitting in the cafe drinking a Carmel Frappacino, and reading a book, when he sat down at the table next to mine. I noticed him watching me. It wasn't a creepy pedophile kind of staring but that he was into me.
I looked up at him and smiled, and he decided to join me at my table. "Hello there, I'm Skyler. What might the pretty ladies name be?"
I pretended to be shocked, "You mean me?"
He laughed, "Of course I mean you. I did sit down at your table didn't I?"
"I guess you did. In that case, I'm Tal."
"That's a cool name. I like that it's unique. Is it short for something?"
"Talbot."
"Even better," his eyes sparkled when he smiled. "What do we find ourselves reading today, Tal?"
I took a sip of my coffee, "I don't know about you, but I'm reading Burnt Offerings by Laurell K. Hamilton."
I watched him laugh silently, "What's it about? Any good?"
"Yeah, I love it. It's the seventh book in a series. It's about this woman, Anita Blake, who raises the dead for a living as well as kill vampires. Well, when she's not dating them. They're really good. This is the second time I've read this one."
"Sounds cool, I love vampires. If they were real I'd want to be one," he told me.
I looked him straight in the eye and told him (as if dead serious.) "Who says their not?"
He didn't know what to say at first, and he was kind of freaked out, but he figured out that I was only joking pretty quick. "You have a strange sense of humor. It's refreshing most girls have a dumb sense of humor. For a moment I wasn't sure if you were being serious or not."
"I'm as serious as a heart attack," he looked seriously puzzled. "That was a little lame wasn't it?"
"No, it wasn't a little lame. It was very lame."
"Yeah it was. I can't believe I said that, I'm so embarrassed. I always say the stupidest shit when I'm nervous."
"Why would you be nervous?" Skyler asked.
"I always get nervous when talking to a cute guy."
He have me a lopsided grin, "You shouldn't be nervous, I'm a nice guy. Can I ask you something?"
"Sure."
"How old are you?"
"15," now he'd run away, "But I'll be 16 in like two months."
"Really, your only 15? I would have said 17 for sure."
"I find that hard to believe. What about you?"
"You shouldn't, you seem very mature. That's why I would have said older. I'll be 18 in 3 1/2 months."
"That's cool. So where do you go to school? I haven't' seen you around."
"Actually, I graduated last year and I go to the university."
"That definitely earns you points."
"Awesome, I'll have to start thinking of what I want to cash them in for." I couldn't help but laugh at him. "What do you have planned for tonight?"
"Nothing really, I'll probably go see my brother's band play."
"That sounds like fun. Is it like a teenage band then?"
"No, my brother is 35. The youngest member in the band is their new drummer and he's 22."
"Your brother's 20 years older then you are, that's crazy." He changed the subject super fast, "If your not doing anything tonight you should let me take you to dinner?"
"I just met you 10 minutes go and you're already asking me out on a date?"
"So, what do you say?"
"You know what, yes. I will let you take me out to dinner."
"Perfect, how about you meet me back here at 5 and I'll drive?"
"Sounds like a plan."
"Alright, Tal, I'll see you in a few hours," he pushed back form the table and headed out the door.
Shoving my book in my purse (let me assure you I wasn't stealing it, I had already owned the book when I went to the store) I threw my empty coffee cup away, and headed to the store. I had to tell Patch about my date.
Patch wasn't there when I got there. Jonah was sitting behind the counter, "He should be back in 10-15 minutes, sweetheart."
"How many times do I have to tell you not to call me things like that, before you get it through your thick skull?"
His laugh was sinfully sweet, "At least one more time. What are you so hot to tell Patch about anyway?"
"Not that it's any of you business, but I have a date tonight," I told him.
"The lucky bastard. Don't let him take advantage of you," Jonah insisted.
"He won't, because unlike you he's a nice guy. He's polite, smart, and a gentleman, also unlike you."
"I guess I deserved that," I turned to walk away but his voice had me turning back around. "If he tries to take advantage of you tell me and I'll kick his ass."
I stared at him in complete silence for a minute or two, "I didn't realize you gave a shit."
"No it's just if anyone gets to take advantage of you it's going to be me. Certainly not some random guy you just met."
"You are such a dick. You know you were some random guy I just met when you tried to get me drunk and take advantage of me?"
"I know, but that was me not him."
I shook my head, "I've had enough of you for one day. When Patch gets here tell him I'm upstairs."
"Sure thing beautiful," he called after me.
When I finally told Patch about my date he wasn't completely thrilled. He was happy for me, but he was worried about the fact that I had just met him. I told him not to worry and headed home to find something to wear.
I ended up choosing these cute jeans with read seams up the legs. They were tight, but not you look fat tight. With a read sleeveless shirt that my brother's band had made.
Skyler ended up taking me to this expensive restaurant downtown. I can't tell you the name, because it might give something away. After dinner was when things got out of control. He asked if I would like to go for a walk in the park. I said yes. It was already dark so we practically saw nobody else. After a bit of walking Skyler took a seat on a park bench. "Why don't we sit a moment and enjoy the night."
He put his arm around my shoulder, and before I realized it he was leaning in to kiss me. I let him. I wouldn't usually let someone kiss me on the first date, but for some reason I wanted him to. As we continued to kiss his hands started to touch me, but I pushed them away. He moved his hands, for a moment. When ever they got too low or too high I would push them away, but they seemed to keep coming back.
When I finally realized that he wasn't the nice guy I thought he was I told him to stop. I was glad when he did, I guess I was a little scared he wouldn't. He didn't try to force me to do anything, but he was so angry that he left. I ended up having to walk home. I wasn't going to call my parents, or Patch, to come and get me I was too humiliated.
In the end I told everyone that I had a fun time, but I probably wouldn't see him again. I couldn't even bring myself to tell Patch the truth of the night.
I headed down to the store today, because at home I was bored out of my mind. (I'm actually at the store now writing this on Patch's computer.) When I got there of course Jonah was behind the counter reading a magazine. He looked up when he heard the bell, "Hey sweet thing, how was your date."
"It was fine. I'm going upstairs."
He tossed the magazine down on the counter. "You are a horrible liar. I see right through you. It wasn't fine, he did something didn't he?"
"No, nothing happened. I said no he stopped, that's it. I told everyone that I had a good time and I don't plan on seeing him again, and you better remember that."
"I won't tell on you. If the guy ever comes in here though I'll kick his ass."
I laughed, "You don't even know what he looks like."
"Well then you'll just have to tell me, darlin."
"Oh, shut-up," I half laughed as I walked away.
Now I'm going to leave you with a song. I love Sublime they're one of the best bands ever. This song reminds me of Skyler, or almost any guy for that matter. They only seem to have one thing on their minds. So, I leave you with Sublime's 'Caress Me Down'.
I looked up at him and smiled, and he decided to join me at my table. "Hello there, I'm Skyler. What might the pretty ladies name be?"
I pretended to be shocked, "You mean me?"
He laughed, "Of course I mean you. I did sit down at your table didn't I?"
"I guess you did. In that case, I'm Tal."
"That's a cool name. I like that it's unique. Is it short for something?"
"Talbot."
"Even better," his eyes sparkled when he smiled. "What do we find ourselves reading today, Tal?"
I took a sip of my coffee, "I don't know about you, but I'm reading Burnt Offerings by Laurell K. Hamilton."
I watched him laugh silently, "What's it about? Any good?"
"Yeah, I love it. It's the seventh book in a series. It's about this woman, Anita Blake, who raises the dead for a living as well as kill vampires. Well, when she's not dating them. They're really good. This is the second time I've read this one."
"Sounds cool, I love vampires. If they were real I'd want to be one," he told me.
I looked him straight in the eye and told him (as if dead serious.) "Who says their not?"
He didn't know what to say at first, and he was kind of freaked out, but he figured out that I was only joking pretty quick. "You have a strange sense of humor. It's refreshing most girls have a dumb sense of humor. For a moment I wasn't sure if you were being serious or not."
"I'm as serious as a heart attack," he looked seriously puzzled. "That was a little lame wasn't it?"
"No, it wasn't a little lame. It was very lame."
"Yeah it was. I can't believe I said that, I'm so embarrassed. I always say the stupidest shit when I'm nervous."
"Why would you be nervous?" Skyler asked.
"I always get nervous when talking to a cute guy."
He have me a lopsided grin, "You shouldn't be nervous, I'm a nice guy. Can I ask you something?"
"Sure."
"How old are you?"
"15," now he'd run away, "But I'll be 16 in like two months."
"Really, your only 15? I would have said 17 for sure."
"I find that hard to believe. What about you?"
"You shouldn't, you seem very mature. That's why I would have said older. I'll be 18 in 3 1/2 months."
"That's cool. So where do you go to school? I haven't' seen you around."
"Actually, I graduated last year and I go to the university."
"That definitely earns you points."
"Awesome, I'll have to start thinking of what I want to cash them in for." I couldn't help but laugh at him. "What do you have planned for tonight?"
"Nothing really, I'll probably go see my brother's band play."
"That sounds like fun. Is it like a teenage band then?"
"No, my brother is 35. The youngest member in the band is their new drummer and he's 22."
"Your brother's 20 years older then you are, that's crazy." He changed the subject super fast, "If your not doing anything tonight you should let me take you to dinner?"
"I just met you 10 minutes go and you're already asking me out on a date?"
"So, what do you say?"
"You know what, yes. I will let you take me out to dinner."
"Perfect, how about you meet me back here at 5 and I'll drive?"
"Sounds like a plan."
"Alright, Tal, I'll see you in a few hours," he pushed back form the table and headed out the door.
Shoving my book in my purse (let me assure you I wasn't stealing it, I had already owned the book when I went to the store) I threw my empty coffee cup away, and headed to the store. I had to tell Patch about my date.
Patch wasn't there when I got there. Jonah was sitting behind the counter, "He should be back in 10-15 minutes, sweetheart."
"How many times do I have to tell you not to call me things like that, before you get it through your thick skull?"
His laugh was sinfully sweet, "At least one more time. What are you so hot to tell Patch about anyway?"
"Not that it's any of you business, but I have a date tonight," I told him.
"The lucky bastard. Don't let him take advantage of you," Jonah insisted.
"He won't, because unlike you he's a nice guy. He's polite, smart, and a gentleman, also unlike you."
"I guess I deserved that," I turned to walk away but his voice had me turning back around. "If he tries to take advantage of you tell me and I'll kick his ass."
I stared at him in complete silence for a minute or two, "I didn't realize you gave a shit."
"No it's just if anyone gets to take advantage of you it's going to be me. Certainly not some random guy you just met."
"You are such a dick. You know you were some random guy I just met when you tried to get me drunk and take advantage of me?"
"I know, but that was me not him."
I shook my head, "I've had enough of you for one day. When Patch gets here tell him I'm upstairs."
"Sure thing beautiful," he called after me.
When I finally told Patch about my date he wasn't completely thrilled. He was happy for me, but he was worried about the fact that I had just met him. I told him not to worry and headed home to find something to wear.
I ended up choosing these cute jeans with read seams up the legs. They were tight, but not you look fat tight. With a read sleeveless shirt that my brother's band had made.
Skyler ended up taking me to this expensive restaurant downtown. I can't tell you the name, because it might give something away. After dinner was when things got out of control. He asked if I would like to go for a walk in the park. I said yes. It was already dark so we practically saw nobody else. After a bit of walking Skyler took a seat on a park bench. "Why don't we sit a moment and enjoy the night."
He put his arm around my shoulder, and before I realized it he was leaning in to kiss me. I let him. I wouldn't usually let someone kiss me on the first date, but for some reason I wanted him to. As we continued to kiss his hands started to touch me, but I pushed them away. He moved his hands, for a moment. When ever they got too low or too high I would push them away, but they seemed to keep coming back.
When I finally realized that he wasn't the nice guy I thought he was I told him to stop. I was glad when he did, I guess I was a little scared he wouldn't. He didn't try to force me to do anything, but he was so angry that he left. I ended up having to walk home. I wasn't going to call my parents, or Patch, to come and get me I was too humiliated.
In the end I told everyone that I had a fun time, but I probably wouldn't see him again. I couldn't even bring myself to tell Patch the truth of the night.
I headed down to the store today, because at home I was bored out of my mind. (I'm actually at the store now writing this on Patch's computer.) When I got there of course Jonah was behind the counter reading a magazine. He looked up when he heard the bell, "Hey sweet thing, how was your date."
"It was fine. I'm going upstairs."
He tossed the magazine down on the counter. "You are a horrible liar. I see right through you. It wasn't fine, he did something didn't he?"
"No, nothing happened. I said no he stopped, that's it. I told everyone that I had a good time and I don't plan on seeing him again, and you better remember that."
"I won't tell on you. If the guy ever comes in here though I'll kick his ass."
I laughed, "You don't even know what he looks like."
"Well then you'll just have to tell me, darlin."
"Oh, shut-up," I half laughed as I walked away.
Now I'm going to leave you with a song. I love Sublime they're one of the best bands ever. This song reminds me of Skyler, or almost any guy for that matter. They only seem to have one thing on their minds. So, I leave you with Sublime's 'Caress Me Down'.
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Saturday, April 12, 2008
A Poem
I find it harder to live each day on my own
And it becomes harder each day
You offered Your help
You sent me Your grace
But I ran from You
As far as I could go
No matter how far
No matter how hard I tried
I could never go so far
As to be away from You
The more I ran
The more You’d chase after me
My days became hard
My nights became long
And I couldn’t sleep without You
I need you because I can’t live without you
Cause You are my God
And I live for You
You are my God
And I breath for You
You are my God
And I’ll worship You
From now until eternity
And it becomes harder each day
You offered Your help
You sent me Your grace
But I ran from You
As far as I could go
No matter how far
No matter how hard I tried
I could never go so far
As to be away from You
The more I ran
The more You’d chase after me
My days became hard
My nights became long
And I couldn’t sleep without You
I need you because I can’t live without you
Cause You are my God
And I live for You
You are my God
And I breath for You
You are my God
And I’ll worship You
From now until eternity
Wednesday, March 5, 2008
What Sucks Worse Then Being Sick All Weekend?
To answer the question stated in my title, NOTHING. I got so sick last Thursday I couldn't even get drag myself out of bed long enough to walk down the hall to my bathroom. It was the worst thing ever. I was just as sick all weekend too. (Even a bit on Monday but my mom made me go back to school at that point.)
There were two things that made it about a hundred times worse then it should have been. And no I don't mean my mother hovering over me all weekend making sure I wasn't going to burst into flames from my 101* fever. The first thing was the fact that I ended up missing not just one but two concerts.
The first one was my brother, Patch's, show with the guys. It should have been totally awesome, not that they aren't every time they play. Sully is still in town for another week and half so luckily I didn't miss his last show with the band, cause I think I would have had to kill somebody. Next weekend is his official last show with the band, and I think I might have to cry. Friday night was the first show that featured Nolan the new drummer. He only played one song with the band, but I was hysterical that I didn't get to see it. Really though I wasn't cause I was too busy puking to worry about it at the time.
The second concert I missed was on Saturday night. Seeing as how I was still throwing my guts up at the time. Patch and I were set and psyched to go to the concert but he ended up taking Sully instead. I guess if I couldn't go might as well let him cause he's leaving us and all. I'm not even going to tell you which concert cause then I'd have to be reminded all the time that I missed out on it. Why torture myself when I don't have to.
The second reason for it sucking being sick was missing school. Missing classes would have been amazing if not for two things. 1.) The fact that I was sick and couldn't do anything but lay in bed and try to sleep. 2.) I had a shit load of homework to do after missing Thursday and Friday. Seeing as how it's already Wednesday and I'm only now just getting time to get on here and write this.
Well I'm going to leave you with a thought and a song. First the thought, if you ever wake up early in the morning ready to go to school and think to yourself, "I wish I was sick so I could stay home. That would be so much better then being in school." Think again, it's a million times worse and you still have to do the homework you would have had to do. Although, now you have to do your current work and your make up work at the same time and get it done by the same short day. I would have honestly rather have been in school those two days.
Now a song. While sick I kept thinking of this Boys Like Girls song, 5 Minutes to Midnight. Only because I was sick and couldn't get this one line of the song out of my head. It goes, "I've got a sickness you've got the cure." I was sick and it was a sickness and a cure. Anyway, I'll leave you with this awesome song. Rock on and I'll talk to you all later.
There were two things that made it about a hundred times worse then it should have been. And no I don't mean my mother hovering over me all weekend making sure I wasn't going to burst into flames from my 101* fever. The first thing was the fact that I ended up missing not just one but two concerts.
The first one was my brother, Patch's, show with the guys. It should have been totally awesome, not that they aren't every time they play. Sully is still in town for another week and half so luckily I didn't miss his last show with the band, cause I think I would have had to kill somebody. Next weekend is his official last show with the band, and I think I might have to cry. Friday night was the first show that featured Nolan the new drummer. He only played one song with the band, but I was hysterical that I didn't get to see it. Really though I wasn't cause I was too busy puking to worry about it at the time.
The second concert I missed was on Saturday night. Seeing as how I was still throwing my guts up at the time. Patch and I were set and psyched to go to the concert but he ended up taking Sully instead. I guess if I couldn't go might as well let him cause he's leaving us and all. I'm not even going to tell you which concert cause then I'd have to be reminded all the time that I missed out on it. Why torture myself when I don't have to.
The second reason for it sucking being sick was missing school. Missing classes would have been amazing if not for two things. 1.) The fact that I was sick and couldn't do anything but lay in bed and try to sleep. 2.) I had a shit load of homework to do after missing Thursday and Friday. Seeing as how it's already Wednesday and I'm only now just getting time to get on here and write this.
Well I'm going to leave you with a thought and a song. First the thought, if you ever wake up early in the morning ready to go to school and think to yourself, "I wish I was sick so I could stay home. That would be so much better then being in school." Think again, it's a million times worse and you still have to do the homework you would have had to do. Although, now you have to do your current work and your make up work at the same time and get it done by the same short day. I would have honestly rather have been in school those two days.
Now a song. While sick I kept thinking of this Boys Like Girls song, 5 Minutes to Midnight. Only because I was sick and couldn't get this one line of the song out of my head. It goes, "I've got a sickness you've got the cure." I was sick and it was a sickness and a cure. Anyway, I'll leave you with this awesome song. Rock on and I'll talk to you all later.
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Monday, January 28, 2008
Highs and Lows: This Was Maybe Both
Alright, so Saturday was a toss up between good and bad. Bad because upon going to my brothers store who was there? Yep that's right, Jonah (The spawn of Satan.) Of I tried to stay away from him as much as possible. Patch was holding auditions again. They were still looking for a new drummer.
The second I got there Jonah was trying to get on my nerves. (Really he probably wasn't, but of course he just was by doing anything.) "Hey there darlin. It's good to see you again."
I ignored his comment and headed straight for my brother and the auditions being held in the back. I got there and the guy that was playing had no sense of rhythm. Honestly, I probably could have played the drums better then that guy. I suffered through a couple of hours of mind numbing idiocy, being beaten extremely loud on a set of drums.
Not being able to take the noise any longer and decided to try my luck downstairs. I started browsing through the new vinyl my brother had on display. There was nothing overly exciting, nothing I hadn't seen before. I was starting to relax, seeing as how I hadn't heard a word from a certain someone, when I heard, "Find anything good? I'm sure you get a real good discount."
"What part of don't talk to me do you not understand? Trust me you do not want to piss me off," I told him.
"I'm so scared," he replied sarcastically, "I hardly doubt your brother is going to fire me because I tried talking to you."
"No, but if you trying anything your so out of here."
"I"m shaking in my boots," and he laughed. Despite the fact that he's the biggest creep I've met in my life he has one hell of a sexy smile.
I was standing there glaring at him when someone just as good looking, if not more, walked in. I was about to say something to him but Jonah beat me to it, "Hi there, is there anything I can do for you?"
"Yes, I'm looking for the auditions," and he held up a pair of drum sticks.
"Oh, yeah they're though the back and up the stairs," Johan replied.
He looked to the back door but he seemed hesitant to just head right on back. So, I took this as an opportunity to 1.) do something different and not be around Jonah and 2.) talk to the hottie. "Follow me I'll show you back."
'Thanks," he was kind of quite. I would have to do something about that.
"So, are you any good?" I asked.
"Good at what?"
I pointed to the drum sticks in his hand, "At the drums."
"Oh right, sorry I'm still a little tired. But yeah, I think I'm amazing."
"That's what they all say."
He laughed, "The only difference is I really am. I'm Nolan by the way."
"It's nice to meet you Nolan. I'm Talbot."
"That's a pretty name," and he smiled at me. Oh, heavens was he gorgeous.
I didn't want the conversation to end so quickly but we were there and the guys were just getting rid of the last loser to not actually be playing. Nolan was next and might I say that he really was amazing. Patch told him that they would give him a call after they finished the auditions. Although, after he left everyone was fairly confident that he would become their new drummer.
Final Thoughts:
1.) Patch need to keep looking for someone who can work on the weekends, cause this isn't working for me.
2.) Nolan is the best drummer to walk through the door and the most handsome.
3.) Should I mention that he's single. He's 22, gorgeous, and completely single.
The second I got there Jonah was trying to get on my nerves. (Really he probably wasn't, but of course he just was by doing anything.) "Hey there darlin. It's good to see you again."
I ignored his comment and headed straight for my brother and the auditions being held in the back. I got there and the guy that was playing had no sense of rhythm. Honestly, I probably could have played the drums better then that guy. I suffered through a couple of hours of mind numbing idiocy, being beaten extremely loud on a set of drums.
Not being able to take the noise any longer and decided to try my luck downstairs. I started browsing through the new vinyl my brother had on display. There was nothing overly exciting, nothing I hadn't seen before. I was starting to relax, seeing as how I hadn't heard a word from a certain someone, when I heard, "Find anything good? I'm sure you get a real good discount."
"What part of don't talk to me do you not understand? Trust me you do not want to piss me off," I told him.
"I'm so scared," he replied sarcastically, "I hardly doubt your brother is going to fire me because I tried talking to you."
"No, but if you trying anything your so out of here."
"I"m shaking in my boots," and he laughed. Despite the fact that he's the biggest creep I've met in my life he has one hell of a sexy smile.
I was standing there glaring at him when someone just as good looking, if not more, walked in. I was about to say something to him but Jonah beat me to it, "Hi there, is there anything I can do for you?"
"Yes, I'm looking for the auditions," and he held up a pair of drum sticks.
"Oh, yeah they're though the back and up the stairs," Johan replied.
He looked to the back door but he seemed hesitant to just head right on back. So, I took this as an opportunity to 1.) do something different and not be around Jonah and 2.) talk to the hottie. "Follow me I'll show you back."
'Thanks," he was kind of quite. I would have to do something about that.
"So, are you any good?" I asked.
"Good at what?"
I pointed to the drum sticks in his hand, "At the drums."
"Oh right, sorry I'm still a little tired. But yeah, I think I'm amazing."
"That's what they all say."
He laughed, "The only difference is I really am. I'm Nolan by the way."
"It's nice to meet you Nolan. I'm Talbot."
"That's a pretty name," and he smiled at me. Oh, heavens was he gorgeous.
I didn't want the conversation to end so quickly but we were there and the guys were just getting rid of the last loser to not actually be playing. Nolan was next and might I say that he really was amazing. Patch told him that they would give him a call after they finished the auditions. Although, after he left everyone was fairly confident that he would become their new drummer.
Final Thoughts:
1.) Patch need to keep looking for someone who can work on the weekends, cause this isn't working for me.
2.) Nolan is the best drummer to walk through the door and the most handsome.
3.) Should I mention that he's single. He's 22, gorgeous, and completely single.
Sunday, January 20, 2008
Disaster Isn't Even a Strong Enough Word For My Saturday
Let’s star at the beginning, cause at least it started out amazingly well. While I was just waking up around noon my brother and his friends had been holding auditions for a new drummer since nine that morning.
Patch called me just as I was stumbling out of bed. He wanted to know if I wanted to go get lunch while he took a break from the audition process. They hadn’t had one person come through the door that they would even consider calling back.
The two of us ended up getting lunch at the best Mexican restaurant in town. If I do Mexican it wouldn’t be anywhere else.
“I can’t believe you’d leave those boys alone in your store. Who knows what they might do,” I jokingly asked.
“Seriously, they might burn the store down, along with my apartment. Really though I found someone who can work Saturdays. Now I’ll have more time to spend with the coolest girl in the world,” Patch informed me.
“That’s so cool. I’m surprised you found someone so fast. Now tell me whose the lucky bitch?”
He for some reason thought that was the funniest thing I’d ever said. “That was pretty funny.”
“Pretty funny? It sounded like you thought it was hilarious. But really though who is this other woman in your life?”
“There is no other woman you idiot, it’s you.”
“I know,” as I giggled, “I just wanted to hear you say it.”
“Jerk,” and he threw a chip at me.
Everything was fine until Patch decided he needed to get back to the store to continue auditions. Of course I went with him. I sure wasn’t going to go back home and spend the day with my parents. Don’t get me wrong I love my parents, but I don’t want to spend my Saturday with them.
Patch headed in and straight to the back, (the auditions were being held upstairs in his apartment.) I was all ready to follow him back, but I got stopped dead in my tracks. I couldn’t stop myself from gawking at the new cashier.
“Well hello beautiful. Long time no see,” it was Jonah. (That jerk of a college guy from New Years Eve.)
“Tal, are you coming?” Patch asked from the doorway to the back room.
I looked from him to Jonah and back, “No I’m leaving.” I dashed to the front door and ran all the way to the bus stop.
I could hear Patch yelling for me to come back. I was to fast for him though. I had just taken a seat at the back of the bus when I got a call from him on my cell phone.
“What?” I asked.
“What? What do you mean what? Why the hell did you run out of the store like that?”
“Why? Because of that asshole you hired. I can’t go in there now if he’s there.”
“Why not, he’s a good kid? Hard worker too.” I couldn’t believe he was even saying that about him.
“A good kid? A good kid? Let me tell you something about your good kid. You remember why you came and got me on New Years Eve?”
“Of course,” Patch replied, “How could I possibly forget.”
“Well that was Jonah. He’s the reason I left the party.”
“Are you sure?”
I didn’t say anything for a moment. I wasn’t really sure if I had actually heard him say that. “Did you really just say that?”
“Right stupid question,” he admitted.
“So are you going to fire him, so I can come back to the store?” I asked.
“I can’t fire him for that, sweetheart. Don’t worry I’ll definitely be having a talk with that boy. Now will you stop being a baby and come back here?”
“No I’m going home.”
“Fine, I’ll see you in a couple hours then.”
“No you won’t. I’m not coming back today.”
“Honestly, Tal, I know you too well. I know you’d rather be here even though he is then spend the day with our parents.”
“You know what Patch? I’m going to prove you wrong.”
“Yeah okay. I’ll talk to you later.”
“Bye,” and I ended the call.
I really was determined to stay home the rest of Saturday. Although, when I got home around 2 my mother insisted something was wrong and would not leave me alone. She practically followed me around the house, smothering me. (Have you ever noticed smother is just mother with an S in front of it?)
I had no choice but to leave the house, before I jumped off the roof. I wondered around town for a while but ultimately I found myself standing outside the music store. To go in or not to go in, that is the question.
I decided to just go in, head straight for the back and up to my brothers apartment. No stopping to talk, not even looking back.
“Welcome back. I was really sad when you left the party the way you did.”
I only stopped long enough to say, “Don’t talk to me.”
When I showed up at the auditions Patch didn’t say anything about me coming back. No I told you SOs.
He only said one thing about the situation, “I talked to him and if he tries anything, anything at all, you tell me and he’s so out of here, ok?”
“Thanks, Patch. You know how amazing you are?”
“Of course.”
I stayed and watched the rest of the auditions they had for that day. Nothing overly exciting. A couple they might call back if no one better turns up. Good thing they’re doing this next Saturday too.
Well I guess my day wasn’t as bad as I had previously imagined. Although, it is going to be very awkward going in there while he’s there. He’s the total jerk, but I’m the one who feels weird about it. I know he doesn’t in the least.
Well that’s all for now!
Patch called me just as I was stumbling out of bed. He wanted to know if I wanted to go get lunch while he took a break from the audition process. They hadn’t had one person come through the door that they would even consider calling back.
The two of us ended up getting lunch at the best Mexican restaurant in town. If I do Mexican it wouldn’t be anywhere else.
“I can’t believe you’d leave those boys alone in your store. Who knows what they might do,” I jokingly asked.
“Seriously, they might burn the store down, along with my apartment. Really though I found someone who can work Saturdays. Now I’ll have more time to spend with the coolest girl in the world,” Patch informed me.
“That’s so cool. I’m surprised you found someone so fast. Now tell me whose the lucky bitch?”
He for some reason thought that was the funniest thing I’d ever said. “That was pretty funny.”
“Pretty funny? It sounded like you thought it was hilarious. But really though who is this other woman in your life?”
“There is no other woman you idiot, it’s you.”
“I know,” as I giggled, “I just wanted to hear you say it.”
“Jerk,” and he threw a chip at me.
Everything was fine until Patch decided he needed to get back to the store to continue auditions. Of course I went with him. I sure wasn’t going to go back home and spend the day with my parents. Don’t get me wrong I love my parents, but I don’t want to spend my Saturday with them.
Patch headed in and straight to the back, (the auditions were being held upstairs in his apartment.) I was all ready to follow him back, but I got stopped dead in my tracks. I couldn’t stop myself from gawking at the new cashier.
“Well hello beautiful. Long time no see,” it was Jonah. (That jerk of a college guy from New Years Eve.)
“Tal, are you coming?” Patch asked from the doorway to the back room.
I looked from him to Jonah and back, “No I’m leaving.” I dashed to the front door and ran all the way to the bus stop.
I could hear Patch yelling for me to come back. I was to fast for him though. I had just taken a seat at the back of the bus when I got a call from him on my cell phone.
“What?” I asked.
“What? What do you mean what? Why the hell did you run out of the store like that?”
“Why? Because of that asshole you hired. I can’t go in there now if he’s there.”
“Why not, he’s a good kid? Hard worker too.” I couldn’t believe he was even saying that about him.
“A good kid? A good kid? Let me tell you something about your good kid. You remember why you came and got me on New Years Eve?”
“Of course,” Patch replied, “How could I possibly forget.”
“Well that was Jonah. He’s the reason I left the party.”
“Are you sure?”
I didn’t say anything for a moment. I wasn’t really sure if I had actually heard him say that. “Did you really just say that?”
“Right stupid question,” he admitted.
“So are you going to fire him, so I can come back to the store?” I asked.
“I can’t fire him for that, sweetheart. Don’t worry I’ll definitely be having a talk with that boy. Now will you stop being a baby and come back here?”
“No I’m going home.”
“Fine, I’ll see you in a couple hours then.”
“No you won’t. I’m not coming back today.”
“Honestly, Tal, I know you too well. I know you’d rather be here even though he is then spend the day with our parents.”
“You know what Patch? I’m going to prove you wrong.”
“Yeah okay. I’ll talk to you later.”
“Bye,” and I ended the call.
I really was determined to stay home the rest of Saturday. Although, when I got home around 2 my mother insisted something was wrong and would not leave me alone. She practically followed me around the house, smothering me. (Have you ever noticed smother is just mother with an S in front of it?)
I had no choice but to leave the house, before I jumped off the roof. I wondered around town for a while but ultimately I found myself standing outside the music store. To go in or not to go in, that is the question.
I decided to just go in, head straight for the back and up to my brothers apartment. No stopping to talk, not even looking back.
“Welcome back. I was really sad when you left the party the way you did.”
I only stopped long enough to say, “Don’t talk to me.”
When I showed up at the auditions Patch didn’t say anything about me coming back. No I told you SOs.
He only said one thing about the situation, “I talked to him and if he tries anything, anything at all, you tell me and he’s so out of here, ok?”
“Thanks, Patch. You know how amazing you are?”
“Of course.”
I stayed and watched the rest of the auditions they had for that day. Nothing overly exciting. A couple they might call back if no one better turns up. Good thing they’re doing this next Saturday too.
Well I guess my day wasn’t as bad as I had previously imagined. Although, it is going to be very awkward going in there while he’s there. He’s the total jerk, but I’m the one who feels weird about it. I know he doesn’t in the least.
Well that’s all for now!
Friday, January 11, 2008
The Loss of a Drummer
I found myself at my brother’s store today after school. Patch and his three best friends, band mates, where crowded around the register. They were all sad, mad, and a bit depressed.
I joined them over by the register, “Hey guys, what’s wrong?”
“Sully, the bastard, is leaving us,” Patch said.
“Leaving?”
“Yeah, Karen and I are going to be moving to California,” Sully replied. (Karen is Sullivan’s wife.)
“California? What could possibly be in California?” I asked him.
“Better job and better money, sweetheart.”
“What about the band, Sully?” the band couldn’t break up like this.
“That’s what we said,” Van added.
“I’m sorry guys,” despite the fact that he was the one leaving he did seem really upset about it. “This is something I have to do. Besides I won’t be leaving for another month. I promise I’ll help you boys find a new drummer. We’ll find you guys someone absolutely amazing.”
“We’ll never be able to find someone as good as you, man,” Jake kind of sounded heartbroken.
They decided to start holding auditions for a new drummer next Saturday. We’ll see how well that goes, (Who knows what kind of psychos will turn out) Of course I pointed out to my brother that unless he hired someone who can work weekends there was no way he could hold auditions and be at them as well.
Now while the band is trying to find a drummer who can live up to Sully’s legacy Patch is going to be trying to find someone who can work at the store on weekends. It’s harder then it seems seeing as how my brother and his band mates are still the ones who have to do it.
I joined them over by the register, “Hey guys, what’s wrong?”
“Sully, the bastard, is leaving us,” Patch said.
“Leaving?”
“Yeah, Karen and I are going to be moving to California,” Sully replied. (Karen is Sullivan’s wife.)
“California? What could possibly be in California?” I asked him.
“Better job and better money, sweetheart.”
“What about the band, Sully?” the band couldn’t break up like this.
“That’s what we said,” Van added.
“I’m sorry guys,” despite the fact that he was the one leaving he did seem really upset about it. “This is something I have to do. Besides I won’t be leaving for another month. I promise I’ll help you boys find a new drummer. We’ll find you guys someone absolutely amazing.”
“We’ll never be able to find someone as good as you, man,” Jake kind of sounded heartbroken.
They decided to start holding auditions for a new drummer next Saturday. We’ll see how well that goes, (Who knows what kind of psychos will turn out) Of course I pointed out to my brother that unless he hired someone who can work weekends there was no way he could hold auditions and be at them as well.
Now while the band is trying to find a drummer who can live up to Sully’s legacy Patch is going to be trying to find someone who can work at the store on weekends. It’s harder then it seems seeing as how my brother and his band mates are still the ones who have to do it.
Monday, January 7, 2008
Return of the Slam Book
If your not already familiar with the slam book then I suggest you go back and read a previous entry, What On Earth Was She Thinking. To recap: Back in September my friend Dasha decided, with all of her wisdom, to start a slam book. Despite Posie and myself trying to convince her otherwise.
I went back to school today (after a nice Christmas with my family and as I mentioned in the previous entry a not happy New Year.) as always I was super excited and completely ready for school to start up again after too much family time during the holidays.
The day was actually going amazingly well. At least until lunch time. After getting my food I headed over to the table my friends were already at. The closer I go to the table the more I noticed they were all huddled around something.
I set my tray down on the table, “Hello ladies. How’s your first day back from break?”
“You like school way too much, Tal,” Posie replied.
“Seriously,” Dasha added, “having to come back to school after having two weeks off totally blows. Any ordinary teenager would feel the same. You’re such a freak.”
“Yeah I know. What are we all looking at?” I asked.
“Don’t change the subject,” Katy barked.
“I didn’t, cause if there was no subject to begin with could I actually change it?”
“Don’t get smart with me.”
“Too late.”
She glared at me for a second, “But anyway, what happened with that hottie on New Years Eve?”
“No Katy, I don’t want to talk about that. I just want to forget about New Years and move on. Now what’s so interesting at our lovely little table, besides me?”
The look on Dasha’s face was like a little girl who got caught with her hand in the cookie jar. “I got my slam book back.”
I groaned, “I do not want to be a part of slam book talk.”
“Don’t be such a buzz kill,” Posie interjected. “It’s actually pretty funny. There are some mean things about me in it, but I’m bigger than that. It’s hilarious reading what everyone thinks of people in school. I know you could care less what others think about you, but aren’t you at least curious as to what others are saying?”
Well after everything I gave in and read through the slam book. Here are a few things I learned:
Posie:
-The perfect little bitch!
-With a body that amazing she’s either anorexic or bulimic. (There’s no way she’s either.)
-There’s only one reason Carter still goes out with her, SEX. (Yet I’m not positive that’s true. Even though apparently the whole school thinks so.)
-I know she’s only 16 but do you think her boobs are real? (Of course they are.)
Katy:
-One word, SLUT!!!
-Honestly, was she even a teenager the first time she had sex? (I think 13, but still that’s way too young.)
-She’s so pretty though she could have any boy in school. Or any boy for that matter. (This was in response to the previous 2 and others like it.)
-(And to counter the above one.) She can have any guy she wants cause she’ll sleep with them!
Dasha:
-The only reason little miss chubby is popular is because the princess’ daddy is super rich. (Comments like this made Dasha so mad cause she’s a little sensitive about her weight.)
-If her father wasn’t loaded she wouldn’t even have friends. (I’d still be her friend. Hopefully so would Katy and Posie.)
-I’m surprised and not surprised she doesn’t have a boyfriend. Surprised because boys like rich girls and not cause she’s kind of fat.
-Does she even have a brain inside that head of hers.
-It’s probably just filled with sawdust.
Talbot (Me):
-There is such a thing as too smart. (It was meant as a dis but I look at it as a compliment.)
-If she’d put even a little effort into how she looks she’d have her pick of guys. But the freaks too busy being an outcast. She needs to get a life.
-Can you say fashion disaster.
-She probably gets dressed in the dark.
-Have you seen her older brother he’s totally gorgeous. (I’ll even admit it. He’s a very handsome man.)
(Now I saved the best one for last. There other ones were fairly easy to ignore, mostly cause they were basically true. I also saved this one till last because it’s a horrendous lie. No truth to it what so ever. Yet it’s the one people like the most.)
-Does anyone else think it’s a little weird that her brother is 20 years older then her.
-Have you seen how much they look alike
-Her brother? Have you seen the way they act together? He’s more like
her father.
-You sure he’s not?
What the hell goes on in peoples heads. Of course he’s my brother. If he was my father I think I’d know. He’s my older brother and that’s all there is to it.
As I said before about the slam book in my previous entry, slam books are the root of all evil. (And now I have the proof that this is true.)
I went back to school today (after a nice Christmas with my family and as I mentioned in the previous entry a not happy New Year.) as always I was super excited and completely ready for school to start up again after too much family time during the holidays.
The day was actually going amazingly well. At least until lunch time. After getting my food I headed over to the table my friends were already at. The closer I go to the table the more I noticed they were all huddled around something.
I set my tray down on the table, “Hello ladies. How’s your first day back from break?”
“You like school way too much, Tal,” Posie replied.
“Seriously,” Dasha added, “having to come back to school after having two weeks off totally blows. Any ordinary teenager would feel the same. You’re such a freak.”
“Yeah I know. What are we all looking at?” I asked.
“Don’t change the subject,” Katy barked.
“I didn’t, cause if there was no subject to begin with could I actually change it?”
“Don’t get smart with me.”
“Too late.”
She glared at me for a second, “But anyway, what happened with that hottie on New Years Eve?”
“No Katy, I don’t want to talk about that. I just want to forget about New Years and move on. Now what’s so interesting at our lovely little table, besides me?”
The look on Dasha’s face was like a little girl who got caught with her hand in the cookie jar. “I got my slam book back.”
I groaned, “I do not want to be a part of slam book talk.”
“Don’t be such a buzz kill,” Posie interjected. “It’s actually pretty funny. There are some mean things about me in it, but I’m bigger than that. It’s hilarious reading what everyone thinks of people in school. I know you could care less what others think about you, but aren’t you at least curious as to what others are saying?”
Well after everything I gave in and read through the slam book. Here are a few things I learned:
Posie:
-The perfect little bitch!
-With a body that amazing she’s either anorexic or bulimic. (There’s no way she’s either.)
-There’s only one reason Carter still goes out with her, SEX. (Yet I’m not positive that’s true. Even though apparently the whole school thinks so.)
-I know she’s only 16 but do you think her boobs are real? (Of course they are.)
Katy:
-One word, SLUT!!!
-Honestly, was she even a teenager the first time she had sex? (I think 13, but still that’s way too young.)
-She’s so pretty though she could have any boy in school. Or any boy for that matter. (This was in response to the previous 2 and others like it.)
-(And to counter the above one.) She can have any guy she wants cause she’ll sleep with them!
Dasha:
-The only reason little miss chubby is popular is because the princess’ daddy is super rich. (Comments like this made Dasha so mad cause she’s a little sensitive about her weight.)
-If her father wasn’t loaded she wouldn’t even have friends. (I’d still be her friend. Hopefully so would Katy and Posie.)
-I’m surprised and not surprised she doesn’t have a boyfriend. Surprised because boys like rich girls and not cause she’s kind of fat.
-Does she even have a brain inside that head of hers.
-It’s probably just filled with sawdust.
Talbot (Me):
-There is such a thing as too smart. (It was meant as a dis but I look at it as a compliment.)
-If she’d put even a little effort into how she looks she’d have her pick of guys. But the freaks too busy being an outcast. She needs to get a life.
-Can you say fashion disaster.
-She probably gets dressed in the dark.
-Have you seen her older brother he’s totally gorgeous. (I’ll even admit it. He’s a very handsome man.)
(Now I saved the best one for last. There other ones were fairly easy to ignore, mostly cause they were basically true. I also saved this one till last because it’s a horrendous lie. No truth to it what so ever. Yet it’s the one people like the most.)
-Does anyone else think it’s a little weird that her brother is 20 years older then her.
-Have you seen how much they look alike
-Her brother? Have you seen the way they act together? He’s more like
her father.
-You sure he’s not?
What the hell goes on in peoples heads. Of course he’s my brother. If he was my father I think I’d know. He’s my older brother and that’s all there is to it.
As I said before about the slam book in my previous entry, slam books are the root of all evil. (And now I have the proof that this is true.)
Thursday, January 3, 2008
New Years Eve Sucked
I don’t even know where to begin. New Years was 2 days ago but I’ve been to depressed to even think about it until now. I was going to go to this kick ass party that my brothers band was playing at. Dad had already said it was fine if I went to the party, back at Christmas. (Which by the way I got an awesome new I-pod. Also a $100 gift card to Barnes & Nobel, cool or what.)
But anyway, my father had said I could go, and then mother found out more about the party. My mother found out it was more of an adult party.
Which means there probably wouldn’t have been any other teenagers there. All peoples in their 20’s and 30’s. That meant there would be alcohol and lots and lots of drinking it. Also, (in only my mothers head) that meant there would be drugs.
Since Patch was going to be playing music he wouldn’t be able to keep an eye on me, with all the drinking and drugging going on. (The woman’s a little crazy.) I was officially not allowed to go to the New Years Party with Patch.
So, your probably thinking I sat home alone and watched the ball drop on TV. Nope, not me. Although, I wish I had. It would’ve been a much better night.
Posie (seeing as how she lives only a few houses down) came over that afternoon. I told her how my mom was now refusing to let me go to the party with Patch.
“What do you plan on doing then?” she asked as she flopped down on my bed, and picked up the seventeen magazine on the floor.
“I don’t know. Stay home and watch the ball drop on TV.”
“To hell you are,” Posie didn’t even look up from her magazine.
“Good article, Posie?”
She glared up at me, “Yeah it is. I swear there’s nothing that Hilary Duff can’t do.”
“Yeah ok,” I’ve noticed that Posie idol worships Hilary Duff. But I don’t get it.
“Alright,” she pulled herself away from Hilary, “I’ve had enough of this anti-social bullshit of yours. We’re all going to Lily Harper’s New Years Eve Bash. Anyone whose anyone is going to be there. Since you now can’t go with Patch to his party your going with me and the girls to Lily’s party.”
All I could do was stare at her. Probably with my mouth half open. “Don’t look at me like that Talbot Mercer. You are coming with me to that party.”
“I’d rather not,” I insisted.
“I don’t care if you don’t want to go, Tal. You’re going and I’m not taking NO for an answer,” Posie would make a great dictator. Cause I heard myself saying I’d go.
Posie pushed up form the bed and smiled. “Now that I’ve gotten a yes out of you let’s rummage through your closet and see if I can find you something decent to wear tonight.”
Let’s fast forward to the party. I got a ride to the party with Posie and her boyfriend, Carter. Can you already see a problem forming?
No matter if you don’t. let’s move on. By the time we got there it was around 9:30 and 10:00. There was already plenty of drinking going on, and I wouldn’t have been surprised to see drugs floating around. (If only my mother knew.)
Half the party was already drunk by the time we gat there. Including Katy and Dasha’s dates. They sure know how to pick them. Posie and Cater went off to find some of his friends. But before she disappeared she told me, “Just relax, Tal. Let yourself have a good time.”
I tried to do what she said. I really did try to enjoy myself. I wondered into the living room when I saw this completely gorgeous guy coming towards me. I had absolutely no idea who this guy was, but I didn’t care cause he was coming to talk to me.
“Hey sweetheart welcome to the party. You look like you could use something to drink,” and he held out the plastic cup he had in hand.
I could smell the beer coming from the cup. So, I pushed it back to him, “No thanx, I’m good.”
“What’s a New Years party if your not drinking? Try it you’ll like it,” he was very charming.
But there was no way he was pressuring me into drinking, “Really I’m not much of a drinker.”
“Well then tonight’s the perfect night to do it,” when he smiled at me I nearly melted into a big pile of pushover.
“But really though, beer makes me sick,” of course I was lying shamelessly. I’ve yet to drink anything.
“I could find you something else to drink?” he really wasn’t going to quit.
“Maybe later.”
“That’s cool. I’m Jonah, and you are?”
“Tal.”
“That’s a beautiful name for a beautiful girl.”
Of course I couldn’t help giggling like a complete idiot. I’d say Jonah was probably 18 or 19 and hot older guys didn’t talk to me. It was amazing. Jonah and I found a couch in the corner and started talking. He seemed nice and funny, and as I said before absolutely charming.
Eventually he went off to get himself another drink. I took a look at my phone and it was already after 11. When I saw Jonah making his way back over I noticed he didn’t have just 1 drink but 2.
He sat back down and handed me the drink. “I got you something I think you might like.”
“Thanx,” now I felt awkward. So, I pretended to take a drink then set it on the coffee table.
“So,” Jonah began setting his drink down as well, “how would you like to be my first kiss of the new year?”
I was to say the least a little shocked he said that. “I only just met you a couple of hours ago.”
He laughed a little at that. He moved closer and put his hand on my thigh. “That’s half the fun, sweetheart.”
“Uh, well I don’t know,” I wasn’t all too comfortable with were this was going.
He moved the one hand up my leg and then put the other one on my neck. “If your scared to kiss me at midnight we can practice now first.”
I didn’t get the chance to reply to that, not that I knew what to say. Before I could even think of something he was there, kissing me. The kiss itself wasn’t’ bad. In actuality it was amazing. It was when his hands started wondering.
It was when he started groping me in places that really made me uncomfortable. I pushed him away and told him to stop. Although, at first he just kept kissing me. I shoved him off me again, harder this time. “I said stop.”
“What’s the problem, baby?” Jonah asked.
“First of all I’m not your baby. Second, there is no problem,” I pushed myself off the couch
and out of his grasp, “because I’m leaving.”
I didn’t look back as I ran from the room. I no longer wanted to stay at the party. I went in search of Posie, and found her just outside the kitchen with Katy and Dasha.
“I want to go home, now,” I told her.
“Calm down, Tal,” Posie said sweetly, “We’re not leaving.”
“Besides,” Katy said batting her eyes, “I saw you getting cozy with some hottie a minute ago.”
“That pervert’s the problem. I want to go home.”
“There’s nothing I can do Tal,” she replied sympathetically, “I don’t have a license. Besides I can promise you Carter’s not going to leave the party early to drive you home.”
“Fine, I’ll figure something else out. See you girls in school on Monday.”
I ended up calling Patch and he came and got me for the party. Midnight came while on our drive home. We listened to the ball drop on the radio.
“Sorry I ruined your New Years Patch. I didn’t mean for you to have a lousy New Years right along with me.”
“I didn’t have a lousy New Years. No I wasn’t at some big party. But I couldn’t think of a better way to have spent it then with the world’s greatest little sister.” Then as he stopped at a red light he leaned over and kissed me on the cheek.
I’m so thankful to my brother for helping to make my night not a complete disaster. The incident left me so depressed the last couple of days I’ve barely been able to get out of bed.
My New Years Resolution: I’m swearing off boys. I’m better off without them. (Unless of course the right one comes along.)
But anyway, my father had said I could go, and then mother found out more about the party. My mother found out it was more of an adult party.
Which means there probably wouldn’t have been any other teenagers there. All peoples in their 20’s and 30’s. That meant there would be alcohol and lots and lots of drinking it. Also, (in only my mothers head) that meant there would be drugs.
Since Patch was going to be playing music he wouldn’t be able to keep an eye on me, with all the drinking and drugging going on. (The woman’s a little crazy.) I was officially not allowed to go to the New Years Party with Patch.
So, your probably thinking I sat home alone and watched the ball drop on TV. Nope, not me. Although, I wish I had. It would’ve been a much better night.
Posie (seeing as how she lives only a few houses down) came over that afternoon. I told her how my mom was now refusing to let me go to the party with Patch.
“What do you plan on doing then?” she asked as she flopped down on my bed, and picked up the seventeen magazine on the floor.
“I don’t know. Stay home and watch the ball drop on TV.”
“To hell you are,” Posie didn’t even look up from her magazine.
“Good article, Posie?”
She glared up at me, “Yeah it is. I swear there’s nothing that Hilary Duff can’t do.”
“Yeah ok,” I’ve noticed that Posie idol worships Hilary Duff. But I don’t get it.
“Alright,” she pulled herself away from Hilary, “I’ve had enough of this anti-social bullshit of yours. We’re all going to Lily Harper’s New Years Eve Bash. Anyone whose anyone is going to be there. Since you now can’t go with Patch to his party your going with me and the girls to Lily’s party.”
All I could do was stare at her. Probably with my mouth half open. “Don’t look at me like that Talbot Mercer. You are coming with me to that party.”
“I’d rather not,” I insisted.
“I don’t care if you don’t want to go, Tal. You’re going and I’m not taking NO for an answer,” Posie would make a great dictator. Cause I heard myself saying I’d go.
Posie pushed up form the bed and smiled. “Now that I’ve gotten a yes out of you let’s rummage through your closet and see if I can find you something decent to wear tonight.”
Let’s fast forward to the party. I got a ride to the party with Posie and her boyfriend, Carter. Can you already see a problem forming?
No matter if you don’t. let’s move on. By the time we got there it was around 9:30 and 10:00. There was already plenty of drinking going on, and I wouldn’t have been surprised to see drugs floating around. (If only my mother knew.)
Half the party was already drunk by the time we gat there. Including Katy and Dasha’s dates. They sure know how to pick them. Posie and Cater went off to find some of his friends. But before she disappeared she told me, “Just relax, Tal. Let yourself have a good time.”
I tried to do what she said. I really did try to enjoy myself. I wondered into the living room when I saw this completely gorgeous guy coming towards me. I had absolutely no idea who this guy was, but I didn’t care cause he was coming to talk to me.
“Hey sweetheart welcome to the party. You look like you could use something to drink,” and he held out the plastic cup he had in hand.
I could smell the beer coming from the cup. So, I pushed it back to him, “No thanx, I’m good.”
“What’s a New Years party if your not drinking? Try it you’ll like it,” he was very charming.
But there was no way he was pressuring me into drinking, “Really I’m not much of a drinker.”
“Well then tonight’s the perfect night to do it,” when he smiled at me I nearly melted into a big pile of pushover.
“But really though, beer makes me sick,” of course I was lying shamelessly. I’ve yet to drink anything.
“I could find you something else to drink?” he really wasn’t going to quit.
“Maybe later.”
“That’s cool. I’m Jonah, and you are?”
“Tal.”
“That’s a beautiful name for a beautiful girl.”
Of course I couldn’t help giggling like a complete idiot. I’d say Jonah was probably 18 or 19 and hot older guys didn’t talk to me. It was amazing. Jonah and I found a couch in the corner and started talking. He seemed nice and funny, and as I said before absolutely charming.
Eventually he went off to get himself another drink. I took a look at my phone and it was already after 11. When I saw Jonah making his way back over I noticed he didn’t have just 1 drink but 2.
He sat back down and handed me the drink. “I got you something I think you might like.”
“Thanx,” now I felt awkward. So, I pretended to take a drink then set it on the coffee table.
“So,” Jonah began setting his drink down as well, “how would you like to be my first kiss of the new year?”
I was to say the least a little shocked he said that. “I only just met you a couple of hours ago.”
He laughed a little at that. He moved closer and put his hand on my thigh. “That’s half the fun, sweetheart.”
“Uh, well I don’t know,” I wasn’t all too comfortable with were this was going.
He moved the one hand up my leg and then put the other one on my neck. “If your scared to kiss me at midnight we can practice now first.”
I didn’t get the chance to reply to that, not that I knew what to say. Before I could even think of something he was there, kissing me. The kiss itself wasn’t’ bad. In actuality it was amazing. It was when his hands started wondering.
It was when he started groping me in places that really made me uncomfortable. I pushed him away and told him to stop. Although, at first he just kept kissing me. I shoved him off me again, harder this time. “I said stop.”
“What’s the problem, baby?” Jonah asked.
“First of all I’m not your baby. Second, there is no problem,” I pushed myself off the couch
and out of his grasp, “because I’m leaving.”
I didn’t look back as I ran from the room. I no longer wanted to stay at the party. I went in search of Posie, and found her just outside the kitchen with Katy and Dasha.
“I want to go home, now,” I told her.
“Calm down, Tal,” Posie said sweetly, “We’re not leaving.”
“Besides,” Katy said batting her eyes, “I saw you getting cozy with some hottie a minute ago.”
“That pervert’s the problem. I want to go home.”
“There’s nothing I can do Tal,” she replied sympathetically, “I don’t have a license. Besides I can promise you Carter’s not going to leave the party early to drive you home.”
“Fine, I’ll figure something else out. See you girls in school on Monday.”
I ended up calling Patch and he came and got me for the party. Midnight came while on our drive home. We listened to the ball drop on the radio.
“Sorry I ruined your New Years Patch. I didn’t mean for you to have a lousy New Years right along with me.”
“I didn’t have a lousy New Years. No I wasn’t at some big party. But I couldn’t think of a better way to have spent it then with the world’s greatest little sister.” Then as he stopped at a red light he leaned over and kissed me on the cheek.
I’m so thankful to my brother for helping to make my night not a complete disaster. The incident left me so depressed the last couple of days I’ve barely been able to get out of bed.
My New Years Resolution: I’m swearing off boys. I’m better off without them. (Unless of course the right one comes along.)
Wednesday, January 2, 2008
Some of My Poems
These are a few poems of written recently. If you decide to read them I'd like to know what you think of them. :)
Your Light
Light and dark you think it is plain to see
But in the darkness I have seen a light
Not the true light as bright as the sun
One that shines down a path of pain and misery
You think you are doing right
You think you are having fun
It is all an illusion
But you ask me how I know
Cause I used to live in the darkness
Surrounded by everlasting night
Longing to see the day I have never fully seen
Never understanding why this worlds so full of hate
Why try to understand what you can not see
Evil lurks in the shadows that in the dark you can not find
Only in the light do you have the right of mind
To look out on the world and see what you have left behind
The day I saw that blinding light I heard Your loving words
“Come and let Me hold you tight and take your cares away
For if you live within My grace you will never worry another day
I sent My son to die for you and He has taken all your sins
Now let me be your Father for I love and care for you
I will always be watching over and let no harm fall on you
Cause you have always been My child long before you knew”
Ever since that Blessed day that I came to know who you are
You have always been close by my side
I try not to stray to far
Some days I find it hard to fight
This world that seems to be against me
Then I think of You and all that You have given
How you came to this earth and gave your life for mine
It makes me want to live my life
And worship you all my days
Although I know You deserve much more than I can give
I know what I can give is enough for You
I will rest in Your love and hold fast to You
For I know that Your words are nothing but true
I stepped out of the darkness and away from the night
Now I know who You are living in the light
God and Father help me to be more as you are
And sing Your praises of Your glory
So that all the world will know Your Lord
Losing and Finding Myself
It’s days like these I find myself wondering
How I could’ve been so wrong
So lost and so far gone
That I find myself running from You
And I ask myself
Will You still want me
After all I’ve said
And, after all I’ve done
Will You still take me back
I’m tired of running, I’m tired of hiding, and I’m tired of fighting with you
I don’t want to be lonely no more
I just want to know you more
To be surrounded by Your perfect love and grace
And I ask myself
Will You still want me
After all I’ve said
And, after all I’ve done
Will You still take me back
How could You love me
How could You love me so much, that you forgave my sins
You made me brand new
Everywhere I look I now see Your creation
Your loving plan of salvation
And I ask myself
Will You still want me
After all I’ve said
And, after all I’ve done
Will You still take me back
So I cry to You, my God
I cry to you for help
Lord, please take my life and show me Your unfailing love
For only you, my God, can save me from this world
From the heartache and the pain
And I ask myself
Will You still want me
After all I’ve said
And, after all I’ve done
Will You still take me back
I’m left with no more worries
I’m left with no more doubts
I know that You, my God, love me unconditionally and nothing I could do
And nothing I could say could separate me from the love you gave so freely
I thank you Lord for the rest of my days
I give my life to you and only you, my God
Where I Belong
I've been running for far too long
It's time to stop and find where I belong
To find where I feel loved
To find where the light of the world dwells
I find myself searching for You
I know that when I find you it will be right where I belong
I know it's in Your arms I'll be safe from all the world
From all my hurts and all my fears
To find the truth
To know the way
To live forever in this life and next
All I need is to trust in You and follow Your ways
I've been running for far too long
It's time to stop and find where I belong
To find where I feel loved
To find where the light of the world dwells
Knowing Your grace for me
Knowing of Your great love
Makes me long to know more of You
To know all of You
To give my all to You
God hold me close in Your hands
Help me to see Your loving plans
Help me to see what it is You want me to do
Cause Lord I just want to live for You
I've been running for far too long
It's time to stop and find where I belong
To find where I feel loved
To find where the light of the world dwells
To be here with You Lord for always and forever
To know You and Your loving ways
All I want and all I need is to live a life pleasing to my one and only king
Your Light
Light and dark you think it is plain to see
But in the darkness I have seen a light
Not the true light as bright as the sun
One that shines down a path of pain and misery
You think you are doing right
You think you are having fun
It is all an illusion
But you ask me how I know
Cause I used to live in the darkness
Surrounded by everlasting night
Longing to see the day I have never fully seen
Never understanding why this worlds so full of hate
Why try to understand what you can not see
Evil lurks in the shadows that in the dark you can not find
Only in the light do you have the right of mind
To look out on the world and see what you have left behind
The day I saw that blinding light I heard Your loving words
“Come and let Me hold you tight and take your cares away
For if you live within My grace you will never worry another day
I sent My son to die for you and He has taken all your sins
Now let me be your Father for I love and care for you
I will always be watching over and let no harm fall on you
Cause you have always been My child long before you knew”
Ever since that Blessed day that I came to know who you are
You have always been close by my side
I try not to stray to far
Some days I find it hard to fight
This world that seems to be against me
Then I think of You and all that You have given
How you came to this earth and gave your life for mine
It makes me want to live my life
And worship you all my days
Although I know You deserve much more than I can give
I know what I can give is enough for You
I will rest in Your love and hold fast to You
For I know that Your words are nothing but true
I stepped out of the darkness and away from the night
Now I know who You are living in the light
God and Father help me to be more as you are
And sing Your praises of Your glory
So that all the world will know Your Lord
Losing and Finding Myself
It’s days like these I find myself wondering
How I could’ve been so wrong
So lost and so far gone
That I find myself running from You
And I ask myself
Will You still want me
After all I’ve said
And, after all I’ve done
Will You still take me back
I’m tired of running, I’m tired of hiding, and I’m tired of fighting with you
I don’t want to be lonely no more
I just want to know you more
To be surrounded by Your perfect love and grace
And I ask myself
Will You still want me
After all I’ve said
And, after all I’ve done
Will You still take me back
How could You love me
How could You love me so much, that you forgave my sins
You made me brand new
Everywhere I look I now see Your creation
Your loving plan of salvation
And I ask myself
Will You still want me
After all I’ve said
And, after all I’ve done
Will You still take me back
So I cry to You, my God
I cry to you for help
Lord, please take my life and show me Your unfailing love
For only you, my God, can save me from this world
From the heartache and the pain
And I ask myself
Will You still want me
After all I’ve said
And, after all I’ve done
Will You still take me back
I’m left with no more worries
I’m left with no more doubts
I know that You, my God, love me unconditionally and nothing I could do
And nothing I could say could separate me from the love you gave so freely
I thank you Lord for the rest of my days
I give my life to you and only you, my God
Where I Belong
I've been running for far too long
It's time to stop and find where I belong
To find where I feel loved
To find where the light of the world dwells
I find myself searching for You
I know that when I find you it will be right where I belong
I know it's in Your arms I'll be safe from all the world
From all my hurts and all my fears
To find the truth
To know the way
To live forever in this life and next
All I need is to trust in You and follow Your ways
I've been running for far too long
It's time to stop and find where I belong
To find where I feel loved
To find where the light of the world dwells
Knowing Your grace for me
Knowing of Your great love
Makes me long to know more of You
To know all of You
To give my all to You
God hold me close in Your hands
Help me to see Your loving plans
Help me to see what it is You want me to do
Cause Lord I just want to live for You
I've been running for far too long
It's time to stop and find where I belong
To find where I feel loved
To find where the light of the world dwells
To be here with You Lord for always and forever
To know You and Your loving ways
All I want and all I need is to live a life pleasing to my one and only king
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