Inside the Mind of a Sloppy Firsts Girl!

Living With My Mom Is A Rollercoaster!

2009-02-15T13:45:00.002-07:00

It all started Friday at lunch. Posie was talking about this concert that was going on. There was going to be four or five bands playing, and it was going to be lots of fun. The five of us all decided to go and check it out. The five of us include: Posie, Dasha, Katie, myself, and unfortunetly Cassie.

Of course I still had to ask my mom for permission, but I didn't think it would be a problem since she's always trying to get me to go out and do more. Posie was going to stop by my house and pick me up around six that night, and we would pick up the other girls from there.

My mom got home around 430 and I thought it would be best to just ask. I told her how all my friends were going to be going to this concert and how I wanted to go as well. She was all for me going, at first. I mentioned that I was probably going to be out kind of late. Maybe midnight, or one at the latest. She freaked out when I mentioned this.

"There is no way I'm letting you stay out that late, your only 16," she informed me.

I of course wouldn't let it go. I brought up New Years from a year ago. "You let me go to a New Years Eve party when I was 15. If I was allowed to stay out till midnight then why can't I now that I"m older?"

"That was for a special occasion. I don't want you staying out that late, and that final."

With that she turned around and headed into the kitchen. I stormed up to my room, slammed the door behind me, and called Posie to tell her the bad news. I honestly can't understand my mother. She is always telling me I need to get out more and do more things with kids my own age. It seems like though the second I do she tells me I can't do it.

My mother is psychotic, that 's the only explanation. I spent Friday night at home, by myself, watching the first 3 Saw movies. Then I spent Valentine's Day first at my Saturday night church service (Which was a lot of fun, and was really glad that I decided to go instead of having a pity party at home.) After I got home I watched the 4 and 5 Saw movies.

Thought: My mother needs to make up her mind. Either she wants me to get out and have a life, or stay home and keep going the way I am. But she can't have both, it's physically impossible. Now someone just needs to tell her that.

Was It A Good Day, Or a Bad?

2009-01-14T15:42:00.004-07:00

Hey how is everyone out there in the web universe doing? I know that if you follow my blog you'll notice that I've been gone for quite awhile now, and I don't like it one bit. Hopefully, I'll be able to find the time to keep you all informed about the goings on in my life. Nothing too exciting has happened in this new year. Certainly nothing as disastrous as what happened last New Years Eve. (For those of you who don't know what happened go back to last January in my blog and read all about it.)

I started back to school last week, so I'm half way through week two. Actually, I was really excited to go back. I was starting to get bored with my vacation. Which usually happens because I'm a freak and love to go to school and learn. The only thing I hate about high school is all the drama. I swear it's like living in a soap opera that you can't escape, because you're forced to go.

Anyways, my week was going great. Learned some really great things in my classes. Got A's on two quizzes, and an A on a test. Yep, that's all just in three days. I also didn't have any real run ins with Cassie, (The girl I'm fairly certain is trying to ruin my life.) That is until today.

It was at lunch. I was sitting with my three friends: Posie, Dasha, and Katy, when she dropped her tray right down across from me. She smiled over at me with a condescending look that she has perfected, and I always get. She looks down at the shirt I'm wearing and I just know that she's going to make a rude, or inappropriate, comment. My shirt is nearly two sizes too big, since it used to be my older brothers. He got it back when he was in high school, at the concert of his favorite band back then, in the 80's. I won't tell you which band it was, I'll let you wonder. If I told you that would take away half the fun.

Cassie then tells me, "If your trying for the retro look it's falling a little flat. It's not so cool if you just wear a shirt from an 80's band. Actually, it's kind of lame."

"It's not just a shirt," I tell her, "It was my older brothers, he gave it to me. He's from the 80's."

"Being made in the 80's doesn't mean you're from the 80's," she threw back.

"He got it at their concert, and he says it's one of the best one's he's ever been too," I pushed myself up from the table. "Sorry I got to go, I have to get something done. See you all later."

I smiled to myself as I walked away knowing that on the back of my shirt it said the tour was in 1987. My brother would have been 14 when he went to the concert. I think what I took from this conversation was if you don't let a person make you feel small that can't. It seems like ever since she started here that's what she's been doing making me feel less of a person. What I realized today was that she can try all she wants but if I don't take it it won't affect me.

It really was a good day. Talk to you later.

How To Make a Confusing Situation More Confusing

2008-10-06T14:40:00.002-06:00

I actually had a really good weekend. I can't say I did anything really overly exciting. Friday night I hung out with my friends, and I'm glad the new girl wasn't there. Cause I didn't want to have to deal with it right then. Saturday I slept till noon, hung out at my brothers store, and then went to the show they put on at a local club. It was a great show everybody there absolutely loved them.

Sunday was when things started to go... Well let's see bad isn't the right word to use, because I happened to like what transpired. Let's just say that things took a turn for the interesting. After I got back from church that morning I spent most of the day at home. I had an essay due today (Monday) that I still didn't quite have finished. Also, since I hung out with my friends on Friday and my brother on Saturday, I had tons of calculus homework. It takes at least an hour every night to get just my calculus work done, sometimes up to two hours. No joke, if you've never taken calculus you'll just have to take my word for it.

As I was saying, I spent most of the day at home getting my school work finished for today. Once I finally got done, which was around 5, I decided to head over to Patch's and see what he was up to. When I need something to do hanging out with Patch is the first thing that comes to mind. I took the bus over (I can't wait till I'm 16, have my license, and can drive and no longer have to take the bus) and just my luck he wasn't there.

Jonah was working and of course decided that he didn't need to inform me that my brother and his friends had just left to get dinner about 5 minutes earlier. No, I got all the way upstairs to Patch's apartment to find it almost empty. I say almost because Nolan was the only one who was there. For those of you who don't know (Go back and read my earlier posting to get up to speed on everything), or have forgotten Nolan is the drummer in my brothers kick ass band.

"Where is everybody?" I asked.

"You just missed them, Tal. They all went to get dinner."

"Then why are you still here?"

"I though I could use a little extra practice learning the bands songs. I mean those guys have been playing these songs forever, and I still feel like I could do better," he replied hitting one of his cymbals.

I rolled my eyes and fell back onto a couch with a huff, "That figures. I finally get the chance to get out of the house and that loser isn't even here."

Nolan laughed, and let me tell you not only is he gorgeous but that smile of his could warm your heart from a mile away. "Your always welcome to keep me company."

That's exactly what I did. I watched him practice on the drums for a bit. That might sound boring, but trust me it wasn't. Watching him was like poetry in motion. After awhile he got tired from playing and he took a seat next to me on my brothers old beat up couch. (Actually I think it used to belong to my parents back when my brother was like 5. So, it's at least 30 years old.) We started talking, about anything and everything there was. Nolan told me what it was like for him back in high school, how he got into the drums, and just more about him. I talked about school, what I wanted to do for college, how I loved playing soccer, and because it's me I started babbling about how I loved school because of what a challenge it was. (Thinking about it now I know how much of a dork I sounded like.)

Before either of us knew it it was already 8:00, and I knew I should be getting home. Wait, you're probably wondering how my night was so confusing? Well, I haven't gotten to that part yet. Just after I got done saying that I should be heading home, and that Patch would probably be back any minute, he leaned in close and kissed me. Now, when I say kiss I don't just mean a little friendly kiss. It was a real; heart stopping, world spinning, leave you breathless kind of kiss. I was as shocked as I'm sure all of you are. Honestly I wasn't expecting that, not that I'm going to complain.

After he kissed me he decided to walk me down to the store, since he needed to be leaving too. We got to the door that lead into the back of the store and he and bent down and gave me a quick kiss before pushing through the door and heading home. He left me standing there dazed and confused. I knew I needed to get home before I wasn't able to find my way. As I made my way to the front door I heard someone clear their throat.

I turned to see Jonah sitting on the counter, "Hey there darlin leaving so soon?"

I glared at him. He either was just trying to get on my nerves or he had something to say. I was hoping it was the latter. "What do you want?"

"Oh, nothing," which obviously meant not nothing. "I just don't think it's very becoming of a young lady whose only 15 to be making out with a 22 year old man."

"I wasn't making out with anybody."

"Not from where I was standing," even when he was being a total ass I couldn't help but admire his sexy smile, and that made me a bit depressed.

"It was not, it was barely even a kiss," I defended myself.

He held up his hands in mock surrender, "He I was only messing around. You go ahead and kiss whoever you want to. I'm only going to say one more thing about it. If that's alright with you?" I didn't respond, because I knew that even if I told him I didn't want to hear it he'd tell me anyway. He took my silence as consent to continue, because that's just what he did. "I just don't think Nolan is the type of guy you should be kissing. You can do a 100 times better then him."

I gave him a knowing smile, "I see how it is. Your just jealous because I told you to get lost when you kissed me, freak."

"That's funny," he pretended to laugh, "But really I'm not jealous. I know guys like Nolan and he not the kind you want to be kissing. You're just going to have to trust me, sweetheart. If you decide not to take my advice and keep on kissing him there's going to come a time when you realize that I'm right. But I'll be nice and won't say I told you so, I'll just be there to listen. I'm a really good listener you know."

"Why on earth would I take advice from you? You only tried to shove your tongue down my throat the first time I met you," he gave me a guilty grin. "I have to be going home."

"Fine, but you'll see."

I stopped with my hand on the front door, " Oh, and Jonah, don't say anything about any of this to anyone."

"My lips are sealed."

As I'm sure you can tell I really don't know what to think. I don't know whether to be elated that I was kissed by such a handsome older guy, or worried about what Jonah said about him. But then again can I really trust anything that Jonah says to me. (If you don't know the story behind Jonah and myself go read my blog about New Years, that will clear everything up.) I don't know what to think or what to do. I need some help and I need it fast.

But all of that aside, I love you all,
Tal

Maybe I'm Just Paranoid But...

2008-09-29T08:48:00.007-06:00

I know it's been awhile since I last posted anything, but I'm back. I've been so busy with school work it's not even funny, and coming from me that saying something. Seeing as how I like school. Maybe not homework so much, but just school in general.

This year there's a new girl in school. Her name is Cassandra, but she goes by Cassie. She's absolutely gorgeous. You know how a long time ago I mentioned how beautiful my best friend Posie is, well you could say she's even more beautiful. Or just in different ways. It's not just looks she has either, she's got brains as well. She's in a lot of my advanced placement classes as well.

Oh, and don't forget the fact that she's trying to steal my friends. Yeah, I know that sounds all third grade and immature (and I have had people tell me that already), but it's completely true. She sits with us every day at lunch. That might not seem so bad, but let me tell you about it. When I get to the table everyone is already there, talking and laughing, having a great time. The second I sit down they stop talking about whatever it was they were talking about, with a complete subject change. Wait, I haven't reached the best part yet. What happens when I ask them what they're talking about? Cassie looks over at me condescendingly and tells me it was nothing, and I shouldn't worry about it. I wasn't worrying, your crazy .... (I'm not even going to say what I was thinking, but you know.)

Of course I would ask Posie, every time, what they were talking about and why it was just a secret. She, being my best friend, would tell me what they had been talking about and it wasn't even great conversation. So, my question is then why is Cassie not allowing me to join in the conversation? My guess would be that for some reason, that I can't fathom, she just does not like me. The real question is though, if she doesn't like me why is she spending so much time with my friends? I don't know, but I'll keep you posted.

What people think of the situation:

Posie- She's new and she doesn't know anyone so I should give her the benefit of the doubt, and not think she's out to get me.
Patch- That I'm being paranoid. I need to stop seeing what I want to see and see what's really there. Easy for him to say he's never met her, and seen how she acts towards me.
Jonah- That I'm probably right and she's out to get me. She wants to steal my friends and my life. Of course after he says this he start laughing uncontrollably. Can I really listen to what he says? I mean you do remember who Jonah is right?

Well all until next time have a great week, and don't get into too much trouble.
I love you all, Tal.

School Is Once Again Starting!

2008-09-01T09:21:00.004-06:00

It would seem that I'm doing absolutely on this holiday of ours. It's also the last day before school once again starts up for the year. I find myself once more in the familiar predicament of not wanting the summer and my freedom of only having to do what I want (and sometimes my parents) to having to return to the routine of school, Monday tru Friday. Yet, it's not as bad for me as it is for all my other friends, because I really like going to school. Which I know sounds completely crazy coming from a 15 year old sophomore.

I'm more then ready for my classes to start and to get back to the pleasure of learning. That's what it is for me, even if you or anyone else might not think it's all that sane. Although, I'll be a bit sad that I will no longer have all the time in the world to just sit and relax with a good book, because that's also something I do. School will be amazing this year though. I'll be taking chemistry, calculus, my second year of Russian, art history, and the best class of them all drivers ed.

Even if the first day of school is dreaded to all my other classmates, I dare you to find one sophomore, just one, who isn't completely excited to be taking drivers ed this year. I mean what teenager hasn't been looking fore ward to being able to drive since they were like 6. I know I have.

With today being my last day of freedom before school starts back up I'm going to enjoy it the best way I know how. I'm going down to my brothers store and hang out with the coolest band that's ever rocked this town. Anyways, I'll see you all around.

A Summer On The Road

2008-07-24T12:23:00.003-06:00

Hey everyone, sorry I haven't been on for the last two months, but my life has been crazy and unpredictable. My brother and his band decided to tour these past few months. From the end of May till the middle of July. My parents didn't want to let me go at first, but I begged and I pleaded. In the end Patch promised them he'd bring me back in one piece, without any tattoos. Not that I would get one anyway. I have an irrational fear of needles, I'm a bit needle phobic (Or whatever the phobia is called.)

They finally agreed to let me go, once the school year officially ended of course. So, I've been traveling the east coast with my totally cool older brother, his amazingly awesome band mates, and their completely sexy new drummer. Which by the way I got to know a lot better. Nolan's really fun and we seem to have the same interests, in like books and music and stuff. I certainly will be hanging out with the band more often. Question: If I'm the lead singers little sister does that still mean I'm a groupie, or what?

The reason I haven't been able to get online and keep you all up to date is because I currently don't own a laptop. Patch has one, but it was being a bitch and would barely come online long enough to check email before it would disconnect itself. It sucked that I couldn't keep my loyal fans (that's everyone reading this right now) up to date on the fun and crazy life that was my summer touring with a band.

Now that summer is winding down and the school year is fast approaching I'll have more time to keep in touch. I'll be doing some back to school shopping with my friends hoping to find the right style, except I'm not really sure that the cloths I wear would be considered style. At least, that's what my friends would tell you anyway.

To be honest with you I can't wait for the school year to start back up. I love school, and learning, but it's also my sophomore year. You know what that means right? Drivers Ed. I get to learn how to drive and when I turn 16 in January I'll get my license, and my parents will get me my first car. Even if it's a POS, that they'll pay probably $2,000 for.

Well, I'll let you know what's going on as things progress throughout the year. But for now I've got places to go and things to see. OK, not really, but it sounded cool.

A Poem For a Boy

2008-05-30T05:45:00.002-06:00

I fall into oblivion
Wondering in a daze
I look to see you standing there
A smile on your face

You hold your hand out to me
And I find it hard to breath
I want to be in your arms
And never slip away

I find myself falling
Falling faster
Faster for you

I never felt so scared inside
Yet happy all at the same time
I want to hear you call my name
And tell me everything is all right

I only want to see your face
Just once outside my dreams
I always seem to find you there
But never when I wake
When I open my eyes your smile and touch slowly fade away.

No matter what I say or do I seem to be falling
Falling faster in love with you

Could I Have Been Any Stupider?

2008-04-27T10:35:00.002-06:00

I went to my local Barnes n' Noble yesterday afternoon and that's when I met Skyler. He was 5'9" with dirty blond hair and pale green eyes. Might I add that he was freaking gorgeous. I was sitting in the cafe drinking a Carmel Frappacino, and reading a book, when he sat down at the table next to mine. I noticed him watching me. It wasn't a creepy pedophile kind of staring but that he was into me.

I looked up at him and smiled, and he decided to join me at my table. "Hello there, I'm Skyler. What might the pretty ladies name be?"

I pretended to be shocked, "You mean me?"

He laughed, "Of course I mean you. I did sit down at your table didn't I?"

"I guess you did. In that case, I'm Tal."

"That's a cool name. I like that it's unique. Is it short for something?"

"Talbot."

"Even better," his eyes sparkled when he smiled. "What do we find ourselves reading today, Tal?"

I took a sip of my coffee, "I don't know about you, but I'm reading Burnt Offerings by Laurell K. Hamilton."

I watched him laugh silently, "What's it about? Any good?"

"Yeah, I love it. It's the seventh book in a series. It's about this woman, Anita Blake, who raises the dead for a living as well as kill vampires. Well, when she's not dating them. They're really good. This is the second time I've read this one."

"Sounds cool, I love vampires. If they were real I'd want to be one," he told me.

I looked him straight in the eye and told him (as if dead serious.) "Who says their not?"

He didn't know what to say at first, and he was kind of freaked out, but he figured out that I was only joking pretty quick. "You have a strange sense of humor. It's refreshing most girls have a dumb sense of humor. For a moment I wasn't sure if you were being serious or not."

"I'm as serious as a heart attack," he looked seriously puzzled. "That was a little lame wasn't it?"

"No, it wasn't a little lame. It was very lame."

"Yeah it was. I can't believe I said that, I'm so embarrassed. I always say the stupidest shit when I'm nervous."

"Why would you be nervous?" Skyler asked.

"I always get nervous when talking to a cute guy."

He have me a lopsided grin, "You shouldn't be nervous, I'm a nice guy. Can I ask you something?"

"Sure."

"How old are you?"

"15," now he'd run away, "But I'll be 16 in like two months."

"Really, your only 15? I would have said 17 for sure."

"I find that hard to believe. What about you?"

"You shouldn't, you seem very mature. That's why I would have said older. I'll be 18 in 3 1/2 months."

"That's cool. So where do you go to school? I haven't' seen you around."

"Actually, I graduated last year and I go to the university."

"That definitely earns you points."

"Awesome, I'll have to start thinking of what I want to cash them in for." I couldn't help but laugh at him. "What do you have planned for tonight?"

"Nothing really, I'll probably go see my brother's band play."

"That sounds like fun. Is it like a teenage band then?"

"No, my brother is 35. The youngest member in the band is their new drummer and he's 22."

"Your brother's 20 years older then you are, that's crazy." He changed the subject super fast, "If your not doing anything tonight you should let me take you to dinner?"

"I just met you 10 minutes go and you're already asking me out on a date?"

"So, what do you say?"

"You know what, yes. I will let you take me out to dinner."

"Perfect, how about you meet me back here at 5 and I'll drive?"

"Sounds like a plan."

"Alright, Tal, I'll see you in a few hours," he pushed back form the table and headed out the door.

Shoving my book in my purse (let me assure you I wasn't stealing it, I had already owned the book when I went to the store) I threw my empty coffee cup away, and headed to the store. I had to tell Patch about my date.

Patch wasn't there when I got there. Jonah was sitting behind the counter, "He should be back in 10-15 minutes, sweetheart."

"How many times do I have to tell you not to call me things like that, before you get it through your thick skull?"

His laugh was sinfully sweet, "At least one more time. What are you so hot to tell Patch about anyway?"

"Not that it's any of you business, but I have a date tonight," I told him.

"The lucky bastard. Don't let him take advantage of you," Jonah insisted.

"He won't, because unlike you he's a nice guy. He's polite, smart, and a gentleman, also unlike you."

"I guess I deserved that," I turned to walk away but his voice had me turning back around. "If he tries to take advantage of you tell me and I'll kick his ass."

I stared at him in complete silence for a minute or two, "I didn't realize you gave a shit."

"No it's just if anyone gets to take advantage of you it's going to be me. Certainly not some random guy you just met."

"You are such a dick. You know you were some random guy I just met when you tried to get me drunk and take advantage of me?"

"I know, but that was me not him."

I shook my head, "I've had enough of you for one day. When Patch gets here tell him I'm upstairs."

"Sure thing beautiful," he called after me.

When I finally told Patch about my date he wasn't completely thrilled. He was happy for me, but he was worried about the fact that I had just met him. I told him not to worry and headed home to find something to wear.

I ended up choosing these cute jeans with read seams up the legs. They were tight, but not you look fat tight. With a read sleeveless shirt that my brother's band had made.

Skyler ended up taking me to this expensive restaurant downtown. I can't tell you the name, because it might give something away. After dinner was when things got out of control. He asked if I would like to go for a walk in the park. I said yes. It was already dark so we practically saw nobody else. After a bit of walking Skyler took a seat on a park bench. "Why don't we sit a moment and enjoy the night."

He put his arm around my shoulder, and before I realized it he was leaning in to kiss me. I let him. I wouldn't usually let someone kiss me on the first date, but for some reason I wanted him to. As we continued to kiss his hands started to touch me, but I pushed them away. He moved his hands, for a moment. When ever they got too low or too high I would push them away, but they seemed to keep coming back.

When I finally realized that he wasn't the nice guy I thought he was I told him to stop. I was glad when he did, I guess I was a little scared he wouldn't. He didn't try to force me to do anything, but he was so angry that he left. I ended up having to walk home. I wasn't going to call my parents, or Patch, to come and get me I was too humiliated.

In the end I told everyone that I had a fun time, but I probably wouldn't see him again. I couldn't even bring myself to tell Patch the truth of the night.

I headed down to the store today, because at home I was bored out of my mind. (I'm actually at the store now writing this on Patch's computer.) When I got there of course Jonah was behind the counter reading a magazine. He looked up when he heard the bell, "Hey sweet thing, how was your date."

"It was fine. I'm going upstairs."

He tossed the magazine down on the counter. "You are a horrible liar. I see right through you. It wasn't fine, he did something didn't he?"

"No, nothing happened. I said no he stopped, that's it. I told everyone that I had a good time and I don't plan on seeing him again, and you better remember that."

"I won't tell on you. If the guy ever comes in here though I'll kick his ass."

I laughed, "You don't even know what he looks like."

"Well then you'll just have to tell me, darlin."

"Oh, shut-up," I half laughed as I walked away.

Now I'm going to leave you with a song. I love Sublime they're one of the best bands ever. This song reminds me of Skyler, or almost any guy for that matter. They only seem to have one thing on their minds. So, I leave you with Sublime's 'Caress Me Down'.

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A Poem

2008-04-12T13:52:00.002-06:00

I find it harder to live each day on my own
And it becomes harder each day
You offered Your help
You sent me Your grace

But I ran from You
As far as I could go
No matter how far
No matter how hard I tried
I could never go so far
As to be away from You

The more I ran
The more You’d chase after me
My days became hard
My nights became long
And I couldn’t sleep without You

I need you because I can’t live without you
Cause You are my God
And I live for You
You are my God
And I breath for You
You are my God
And I’ll worship You
From now until eternity

What Sucks Worse Then Being Sick All Weekend?

2008-03-05T11:15:00.004-07:00

To answer the question stated in my title, NOTHING. I got so sick last Thursday I couldn't even get drag myself out of bed long enough to walk down the hall to my bathroom. It was the worst thing ever. I was just as sick all weekend too. (Even a bit on Monday but my mom made me go back to school at that point.)

There were two things that made it about a hundred times worse then it should have been. And no I don't mean my mother hovering over me all weekend making sure I wasn't going to burst into flames from my 101* fever. The first thing was the fact that I ended up missing not just one but two concerts.

The first one was my brother, Patch's, show with the guys. It should have been totally awesome, not that they aren't every time they play. Sully is still in town for another week and half so luckily I didn't miss his last show with the band, cause I think I would have had to kill somebody. Next weekend is his official last show with the band, and I think I might have to cry. Friday night was the first show that featured Nolan the new drummer. He only played one song with the band, but I was hysterical that I didn't get to see it. Really though I wasn't cause I was too busy puking to worry about it at the time.

The second concert I missed was on Saturday night. Seeing as how I was still throwing my guts up at the time. Patch and I were set and psyched to go to the concert but he ended up taking Sully instead. I guess if I couldn't go might as well let him cause he's leaving us and all. I'm not even going to tell you which concert cause then I'd have to be reminded all the time that I missed out on it. Why torture myself when I don't have to.

The second reason for it sucking being sick was missing school. Missing classes would have been amazing if not for two things. 1.) The fact that I was sick and couldn't do anything but lay in bed and try to sleep. 2.) I had a shit load of homework to do after missing Thursday and Friday. Seeing as how it's already Wednesday and I'm only now just getting time to get on here and write this.

Well I'm going to leave you with a thought and a song. First the thought, if you ever wake up early in the morning ready to go to school and think to yourself, "I wish I was sick so I could stay home. That would be so much better then being in school." Think again, it's a million times worse and you still have to do the homework you would have had to do. Although, now you have to do your current work and your make up work at the same time and get it done by the same short day. I would have honestly rather have been in school those two days.

Now a song. While sick I kept thinking of this Boys Like Girls song, 5 Minutes to Midnight. Only because I was sick and couldn't get this one line of the song out of my head. It goes, "I've got a sickness you've got the cure." I was sick and it was a sickness and a cure. Anyway, I'll leave you with this awesome song. Rock on and I'll talk to you all later.

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Highs and Lows: This Was Maybe Both

2008-01-28T15:18:00.000-07:00

Alright, so Saturday was a toss up between good and bad. Bad because upon going to my brothers store who was there? Yep that's right, Jonah (The spawn of Satan.) Of I tried to stay away from him as much as possible. Patch was holding auditions again. They were still looking for a new drummer.

The second I got there Jonah was trying to get on my nerves. (Really he probably wasn't, but of course he just was by doing anything.) "Hey there darlin. It's good to see you again."

I ignored his comment and headed straight for my brother and the auditions being held in the back. I got there and the guy that was playing had no sense of rhythm. Honestly, I probably could have played the drums better then that guy. I suffered through a couple of hours of mind numbing idiocy, being beaten extremely loud on a set of drums.

Not being able to take the noise any longer and decided to try my luck downstairs. I started browsing through the new vinyl my brother had on display. There was nothing overly exciting, nothing I hadn't seen before. I was starting to relax, seeing as how I hadn't heard a word from a certain someone, when I heard, "Find anything good? I'm sure you get a real good discount."

"What part of don't talk to me do you not understand? Trust me you do not want to piss me off," I told him.

"I'm so scared," he replied sarcastically, "I hardly doubt your brother is going to fire me because I tried talking to you."

"No, but if you trying anything your so out of here."

"I"m shaking in my boots," and he laughed. Despite the fact that he's the biggest creep I've met in my life he has one hell of a sexy smile.

I was standing there glaring at him when someone just as good looking, if not more, walked in. I was about to say something to him but Jonah beat me to it, "Hi there, is there anything I can do for you?"

"Yes, I'm looking for the auditions," and he held up a pair of drum sticks.

"Oh, yeah they're though the back and up the stairs," Johan replied.

He looked to the back door but he seemed hesitant to just head right on back. So, I took this as an opportunity to 1.) do something different and not be around Jonah and 2.) talk to the hottie. "Follow me I'll show you back."

'Thanks," he was kind of quite. I would have to do something about that.

"So, are you any good?" I asked.

"Good at what?"

I pointed to the drum sticks in his hand, "At the drums."

"Oh right, sorry I'm still a little tired. But yeah, I think I'm amazing."

"That's what they all say."

He laughed, "The only difference is I really am. I'm Nolan by the way."

"It's nice to meet you Nolan. I'm Talbot."

"That's a pretty name," and he smiled at me. Oh, heavens was he gorgeous.

I didn't want the conversation to end so quickly but we were there and the guys were just getting rid of the last loser to not actually be playing. Nolan was next and might I say that he really was amazing. Patch told him that they would give him a call after they finished the auditions. Although, after he left everyone was fairly confident that he would become their new drummer.

Final Thoughts:
1.) Patch need to keep looking for someone who can work on the weekends, cause this isn't working for me.
2.) Nolan is the best drummer to walk through the door and the most handsome.
3.) Should I mention that he's single. He's 22, gorgeous, and completely single.

Disaster Isn't Even a Strong Enough Word For My Saturday

2008-01-20T10:02:00.000-07:00

Let’s star at the beginning, cause at least it started out amazingly well. While I was just waking up around noon my brother and his friends had been holding auditions for a new drummer since nine that morning.

Patch called me just as I was stumbling out of bed. He wanted to know if I wanted to go get lunch while he took a break from the audition process. They hadn’t had one person come through the door that they would even consider calling back.

The two of us ended up getting lunch at the best Mexican restaurant in town. If I do Mexican it wouldn’t be anywhere else.

“I can’t believe you’d leave those boys alone in your store. Who knows what they might do,” I jokingly asked.

“Seriously, they might burn the store down, along with my apartment. Really though I found someone who can work Saturdays. Now I’ll have more time to spend with the coolest girl in the world,” Patch informed me.

“That’s so cool. I’m surprised you found someone so fast. Now tell me whose the lucky bitch?”

He for some reason thought that was the funniest thing I’d ever said. “That was pretty funny.”

“Pretty funny? It sounded like you thought it was hilarious. But really though who is this other woman in your life?”

“There is no other woman you idiot, it’s you.”

“I know,” as I giggled, “I just wanted to hear you say it.”

“Jerk,” and he threw a chip at me.

Everything was fine until Patch decided he needed to get back to the store to continue auditions. Of course I went with him. I sure wasn’t going to go back home and spend the day with my parents. Don’t get me wrong I love my parents, but I don’t want to spend my Saturday with them.

Patch headed in and straight to the back, (the auditions were being held upstairs in his apartment.) I was all ready to follow him back, but I got stopped dead in my tracks. I couldn’t stop myself from gawking at the new cashier.

“Well hello beautiful. Long time no see,” it was Jonah. (That jerk of a college guy from New Years Eve.)

“Tal, are you coming?” Patch asked from the doorway to the back room.

I looked from him to Jonah and back, “No I’m leaving.” I dashed to the front door and ran all the way to the bus stop.

I could hear Patch yelling for me to come back. I was to fast for him though. I had just taken a seat at the back of the bus when I got a call from him on my cell phone.

“What?” I asked.

“What? What do you mean what? Why the hell did you run out of the store like that?”

“Why? Because of that asshole you hired. I can’t go in there now if he’s there.”

“Why not, he’s a good kid? Hard worker too.” I couldn’t believe he was even saying that about him.

“A good kid? A good kid? Let me tell you something about your good kid. You remember why you came and got me on New Years Eve?”

“Of course,” Patch replied, “How could I possibly forget.”

“Well that was Jonah. He’s the reason I left the party.”

“Are you sure?”

I didn’t say anything for a moment. I wasn’t really sure if I had actually heard him say that. “Did you really just say that?”

“Right stupid question,” he admitted.

“So are you going to fire him, so I can come back to the store?” I asked.

“I can’t fire him for that, sweetheart. Don’t worry I’ll definitely be having a talk with that boy. Now will you stop being a baby and come back here?”

“No I’m going home.”

“Fine, I’ll see you in a couple hours then.”

“No you won’t. I’m not coming back today.”

“Honestly, Tal, I know you too well. I know you’d rather be here even though he is then spend the day with our parents.”

“You know what Patch? I’m going to prove you wrong.”

“Yeah okay. I’ll talk to you later.”

“Bye,” and I ended the call.

I really was determined to stay home the rest of Saturday. Although, when I got home around 2 my mother insisted something was wrong and would not leave me alone. She practically followed me around the house, smothering me. (Have you ever noticed smother is just mother with an S in front of it?)

I had no choice but to leave the house, before I jumped off the roof. I wondered around town for a while but ultimately I found myself standing outside the music store. To go in or not to go in, that is the question.

I decided to just go in, head straight for the back and up to my brothers apartment. No stopping to talk, not even looking back.

“Welcome back. I was really sad when you left the party the way you did.”

I only stopped long enough to say, “Don’t talk to me.”

When I showed up at the auditions Patch didn’t say anything about me coming back. No I told you SOs.

He only said one thing about the situation, “I talked to him and if he tries anything, anything at all, you tell me and he’s so out of here, ok?”

“Thanks, Patch. You know how amazing you are?”

“Of course.”

I stayed and watched the rest of the auditions they had for that day. Nothing overly exciting. A couple they might call back if no one better turns up. Good thing they’re doing this next Saturday too.

Well I guess my day wasn’t as bad as I had previously imagined. Although, it is going to be very awkward going in there while he’s there. He’s the total jerk, but I’m the one who feels weird about it. I know he doesn’t in the least.

Well that’s all for now!

The Loss of a Drummer

2008-01-11T21:09:00.000-07:00

I found myself at my brother’s store today after school. Patch and his three best friends, band mates, where crowded around the register. They were all sad, mad, and a bit depressed.

I joined them over by the register, “Hey guys, what’s wrong?”

“Sully, the bastard, is leaving us,” Patch said.

“Leaving?”

“Yeah, Karen and I are going to be moving to California,” Sully replied. (Karen is Sullivan’s wife.)

“California? What could possibly be in California?” I asked him.

“Better job and better money, sweetheart.”

“What about the band, Sully?” the band couldn’t break up like this.

“That’s what we said,” Van added.

“I’m sorry guys,” despite the fact that he was the one leaving he did seem really upset about it. “This is something I have to do. Besides I won’t be leaving for another month. I promise I’ll help you boys find a new drummer. We’ll find you guys someone absolutely amazing.”

“We’ll never be able to find someone as good as you, man,” Jake kind of sounded heartbroken.

They decided to start holding auditions for a new drummer next Saturday. We’ll see how well that goes, (Who knows what kind of psychos will turn out) Of course I pointed out to my brother that unless he hired someone who can work weekends there was no way he could hold auditions and be at them as well.

Now while the band is trying to find a drummer who can live up to Sully’s legacy Patch is going to be trying to find someone who can work at the store on weekends. It’s harder then it seems seeing as how my brother and his band mates are still the ones who have to do it.

Return of the Slam Book

2008-01-07T17:07:00.000-07:00

If your not already familiar with the slam book then I suggest you go back and read a previous entry, What On Earth Was She Thinking. To recap: Back in September my friend Dasha decided, with all of her wisdom, to start a slam book. Despite Posie and myself trying to convince her otherwise.

I went back to school today (after a nice Christmas with my family and as I mentioned in the previous entry a not happy New Year.) as always I was super excited and completely ready for school to start up again after too much family time during the holidays.

The day was actually going amazingly well. At least until lunch time. After getting my food I headed over to the table my friends were already at. The closer I go to the table the more I noticed they were all huddled around something.

I set my tray down on the table, “Hello ladies. How’s your first day back from break?”

“You like school way too much, Tal,” Posie replied.

“Seriously,” Dasha added, “having to come back to school after having two weeks off totally blows. Any ordinary teenager would feel the same. You’re such a freak.”

“Yeah I know. What are we all looking at?” I asked.

“Don’t change the subject,” Katy barked.

“I didn’t, cause if there was no subject to begin with could I actually change it?”

“Don’t get smart with me.”

“Too late.”

She glared at me for a second, “But anyway, what happened with that hottie on New Years Eve?”

“No Katy, I don’t want to talk about that. I just want to forget about New Years and move on. Now what’s so interesting at our lovely little table, besides me?”

The look on Dasha’s face was like a little girl who got caught with her hand in the cookie jar. “I got my slam book back.”

I groaned, “I do not want to be a part of slam book talk.”

“Don’t be such a buzz kill,” Posie interjected. “It’s actually pretty funny. There are some mean things about me in it, but I’m bigger than that. It’s hilarious reading what everyone thinks of people in school. I know you could care less what others think about you, but aren’t you at least curious as to what others are saying?”

Well after everything I gave in and read through the slam book. Here are a few things I learned:

Posie:
-The perfect little bitch!
-With a body that amazing she’s either anorexic or bulimic. (There’s no way she’s either.)
-There’s only one reason Carter still goes out with her, SEX. (Yet I’m not positive that’s true. Even though apparently the whole school thinks so.)
-I know she’s only 16 but do you think her boobs are real? (Of course they are.)

Katy:
-One word, SLUT!!!
-Honestly, was she even a teenager the first time she had sex? (I think 13, but still that’s way too young.)
-She’s so pretty though she could have any boy in school. Or any boy for that matter. (This was in response to the previous 2 and others like it.)
-(And to counter the above one.) She can have any guy she wants cause she’ll sleep with them!

Dasha:
-The only reason little miss chubby is popular is because the princess’ daddy is super rich. (Comments like this made Dasha so mad cause she’s a little sensitive about her weight.)
-If her father wasn’t loaded she wouldn’t even have friends. (I’d still be her friend. Hopefully so would Katy and Posie.)
-I’m surprised and not surprised she doesn’t have a boyfriend. Surprised because boys like rich girls and not cause she’s kind of fat.
-Does she even have a brain inside that head of hers.
-It’s probably just filled with sawdust.

Talbot (Me):
-There is such a thing as too smart. (It was meant as a dis but I look at it as a compliment.)
-If she’d put even a little effort into how she looks she’d have her pick of guys. But the freaks too busy being an outcast. She needs to get a life.
-Can you say fashion disaster.
-She probably gets dressed in the dark.
-Have you seen her older brother he’s totally gorgeous. (I’ll even admit it. He’s a very handsome man.)
(Now I saved the best one for last. There other ones were fairly easy to ignore, mostly cause they were basically true. I also saved this one till last because it’s a horrendous lie. No truth to it what so ever. Yet it’s the one people like the most.)
-Does anyone else think it’s a little weird that her brother is 20 years older then her.
-Have you seen how much they look alike
-Her brother? Have you seen the way they act together? He’s more like
her father.
-You sure he’s not?

What the hell goes on in peoples heads. Of course he’s my brother. If he was my father I think I’d know. He’s my older brother and that’s all there is to it.

As I said before about the slam book in my previous entry, slam books are the root of all evil. (And now I have the proof that this is true.)

New Years Eve Sucked

2008-01-03T19:56:00.000-07:00

I don’t even know where to begin. New Years was 2 days ago but I’ve been to depressed to even think about it until now. I was going to go to this kick ass party that my brothers band was playing at. Dad had already said it was fine if I went to the party, back at Christmas. (Which by the way I got an awesome new I-pod. Also a $100 gift card to Barnes & Nobel, cool or what.)

But anyway, my father had said I could go, and then mother found out more about the party. My mother found out it was more of an adult party.

Which means there probably wouldn’t have been any other teenagers there. All peoples in their 20’s and 30’s. That meant there would be alcohol and lots and lots of drinking it. Also, (in only my mothers head) that meant there would be drugs.

Since Patch was going to be playing music he wouldn’t be able to keep an eye on me, with all the drinking and drugging going on. (The woman’s a little crazy.) I was officially not allowed to go to the New Years Party with Patch.

So, your probably thinking I sat home alone and watched the ball drop on TV. Nope, not me. Although, I wish I had. It would’ve been a much better night.

Posie (seeing as how she lives only a few houses down) came over that afternoon. I told her how my mom was now refusing to let me go to the party with Patch.

“What do you plan on doing then?” she asked as she flopped down on my bed, and picked up the seventeen magazine on the floor.

“I don’t know. Stay home and watch the ball drop on TV.”

“To hell you are,” Posie didn’t even look up from her magazine.

“Good article, Posie?”

She glared up at me, “Yeah it is. I swear there’s nothing that Hilary Duff can’t do.”

“Yeah ok,” I’ve noticed that Posie idol worships Hilary Duff. But I don’t get it.

“Alright,” she pulled herself away from Hilary, “I’ve had enough of this anti-social bullshit of yours. We’re all going to Lily Harper’s New Years Eve Bash. Anyone whose anyone is going to be there. Since you now can’t go with Patch to his party your going with me and the girls to Lily’s party.”

All I could do was stare at her. Probably with my mouth half open. “Don’t look at me like that Talbot Mercer. You are coming with me to that party.”

“I’d rather not,” I insisted.

“I don’t care if you don’t want to go, Tal. You’re going and I’m not taking NO for an answer,” Posie would make a great dictator. Cause I heard myself saying I’d go.

Posie pushed up form the bed and smiled. “Now that I’ve gotten a yes out of you let’s rummage through your closet and see if I can find you something decent to wear tonight.”

Let’s fast forward to the party. I got a ride to the party with Posie and her boyfriend, Carter. Can you already see a problem forming?

No matter if you don’t. let’s move on. By the time we got there it was around 9:30 and 10:00. There was already plenty of drinking going on, and I wouldn’t have been surprised to see drugs floating around. (If only my mother knew.)

Half the party was already drunk by the time we gat there. Including Katy and Dasha’s dates. They sure know how to pick them. Posie and Cater went off to find some of his friends. But before she disappeared she told me, “Just relax, Tal. Let yourself have a good time.”

I tried to do what she said. I really did try to enjoy myself. I wondered into the living room when I saw this completely gorgeous guy coming towards me. I had absolutely no idea who this guy was, but I didn’t care cause he was coming to talk to me.

“Hey sweetheart welcome to the party. You look like you could use something to drink,” and he held out the plastic cup he had in hand.

I could smell the beer coming from the cup. So, I pushed it back to him, “No thanx, I’m good.”

“What’s a New Years party if your not drinking? Try it you’ll like it,” he was very charming.

But there was no way he was pressuring me into drinking, “Really I’m not much of a drinker.”

“Well then tonight’s the perfect night to do it,” when he smiled at me I nearly melted into a big pile of pushover.

“But really though, beer makes me sick,” of course I was lying shamelessly. I’ve yet to drink anything.

“I could find you something else to drink?” he really wasn’t going to quit.

“Maybe later.”

“That’s cool. I’m Jonah, and you are?”

“Tal.”

“That’s a beautiful name for a beautiful girl.”

Of course I couldn’t help giggling like a complete idiot. I’d say Jonah was probably 18 or 19 and hot older guys didn’t talk to me. It was amazing. Jonah and I found a couch in the corner and started talking. He seemed nice and funny, and as I said before absolutely charming.

Eventually he went off to get himself another drink. I took a look at my phone and it was already after 11. When I saw Jonah making his way back over I noticed he didn’t have just 1 drink but 2.

He sat back down and handed me the drink. “I got you something I think you might like.”

“Thanx,” now I felt awkward. So, I pretended to take a drink then set it on the coffee table.

“So,” Jonah began setting his drink down as well, “how would you like to be my first kiss of the new year?”

I was to say the least a little shocked he said that. “I only just met you a couple of hours ago.”

He laughed a little at that. He moved closer and put his hand on my thigh. “That’s half the fun, sweetheart.”

“Uh, well I don’t know,” I wasn’t all too comfortable with were this was going.

He moved the one hand up my leg and then put the other one on my neck. “If your scared to kiss me at midnight we can practice now first.”

I didn’t get the chance to reply to that, not that I knew what to say. Before I could even think of something he was there, kissing me. The kiss itself wasn’t’ bad. In actuality it was amazing. It was when his hands started wondering.

It was when he started groping me in places that really made me uncomfortable. I pushed him away and told him to stop. Although, at first he just kept kissing me. I shoved him off me again, harder this time. “I said stop.”

“What’s the problem, baby?” Jonah asked.

“First of all I’m not your baby. Second, there is no problem,” I pushed myself off the couch
and out of his grasp, “because I’m leaving.”

I didn’t look back as I ran from the room. I no longer wanted to stay at the party. I went in search of Posie, and found her just outside the kitchen with Katy and Dasha.

“I want to go home, now,” I told her.

“Calm down, Tal,” Posie said sweetly, “We’re not leaving.”

“Besides,” Katy said batting her eyes, “I saw you getting cozy with some hottie a minute ago.”

“That pervert’s the problem. I want to go home.”

“There’s nothing I can do Tal,” she replied sympathetically, “I don’t have a license. Besides I can promise you Carter’s not going to leave the party early to drive you home.”

“Fine, I’ll figure something else out. See you girls in school on Monday.”

I ended up calling Patch and he came and got me for the party. Midnight came while on our drive home. We listened to the ball drop on the radio.

“Sorry I ruined your New Years Patch. I didn’t mean for you to have a lousy New Years right along with me.”

“I didn’t have a lousy New Years. No I wasn’t at some big party. But I couldn’t think of a better way to have spent it then with the world’s greatest little sister.” Then as he stopped at a red light he leaned over and kissed me on the cheek.

I’m so thankful to my brother for helping to make my night not a complete disaster. The incident left me so depressed the last couple of days I’ve barely been able to get out of bed.

My New Years Resolution: I’m swearing off boys. I’m better off without them. (Unless of course the right one comes along.)

Some of My Poems

2008-01-02T13:55:00.000-07:00

These are a few poems of written recently. If you decide to read them I'd like to know what you think of them. :)

Your Light

Light and dark you think it is plain to see
But in the darkness I have seen a light
Not the true light as bright as the sun
One that shines down a path of pain and misery
You think you are doing right
You think you are having fun
It is all an illusion
But you ask me how I know

Cause I used to live in the darkness
Surrounded by everlasting night
Longing to see the day I have never fully seen
Never understanding why this worlds so full of hate
Why try to understand what you can not see
Evil lurks in the shadows that in the dark you can not find
Only in the light do you have the right of mind
To look out on the world and see what you have left behind

The day I saw that blinding light I heard Your loving words
“Come and let Me hold you tight and take your cares away
For if you live within My grace you will never worry another day
I sent My son to die for you and He has taken all your sins
Now let me be your Father for I love and care for you
I will always be watching over and let no harm fall on you
Cause you have always been My child long before you knew”

Ever since that Blessed day that I came to know who you are
You have always been close by my side
I try not to stray to far
Some days I find it hard to fight
This world that seems to be against me
Then I think of You and all that You have given
How you came to this earth and gave your life for mine
It makes me want to live my life
And worship you all my days

Although I know You deserve much more than I can give
I know what I can give is enough for You
I will rest in Your love and hold fast to You
For I know that Your words are nothing but true
I stepped out of the darkness and away from the night
Now I know who You are living in the light

God and Father help me to be more as you are
And sing Your praises of Your glory
So that all the world will know Your Lord

Losing and Finding Myself

It’s days like these I find myself wondering
How I could’ve been so wrong
So lost and so far gone
That I find myself running from You

And I ask myself
Will You still want me
After all I’ve said
And, after all I’ve done
Will You still take me back

I’m tired of running, I’m tired of hiding, and I’m tired of fighting with you
I don’t want to be lonely no more
I just want to know you more
To be surrounded by Your perfect love and grace

And I ask myself
Will You still want me
After all I’ve said
And, after all I’ve done
Will You still take me back

How could You love me
How could You love me so much, that you forgave my sins
You made me brand new
Everywhere I look I now see Your creation
Your loving plan of salvation

And I ask myself
Will You still want me
After all I’ve said
And, after all I’ve done
Will You still take me back

So I cry to You, my God
I cry to you for help
Lord, please take my life and show me Your unfailing love
For only you, my God, can save me from this world
From the heartache and the pain

And I ask myself
Will You still want me
After all I’ve said
And, after all I’ve done
Will You still take me back

I’m left with no more worries
I’m left with no more doubts
I know that You, my God, love me unconditionally and nothing I could do
And nothing I could say could separate me from the love you gave so freely
I thank you Lord for the rest of my days
I give my life to you and only you, my God

Where I Belong

I've been running for far too long
It's time to stop and find where I belong
To find where I feel loved
To find where the light of the world dwells

I find myself searching for You
I know that when I find you it will be right where I belong
I know it's in Your arms I'll be safe from all the world
From all my hurts and all my fears

To find the truth
To know the way
To live forever in this life and next
All I need is to trust in You and follow Your ways

I've been running for far too long
It's time to stop and find where I belong
To find where I feel loved
To find where the light of the world dwells

Knowing Your grace for me
Knowing of Your great love
Makes me long to know more of You
To know all of You
To give my all to You

God hold me close in Your hands
Help me to see Your loving plans
Help me to see what it is You want me to do
Cause Lord I just want to live for You

I've been running for far too long
It's time to stop and find where I belong
To find where I feel loved
To find where the light of the world dwells

To be here with You Lord for always and forever
To know You and Your loving ways
All I want and all I need is to live a life pleasing to my one and only king

Religion and God: Is There a Difference

2007-10-07T12:58:00.000-06:00

My parents go to church every Sunday. When I was little I used to go to Sunday school every week. Back then it was fun. I got to hang out with friends, play games, hear stories, and sing songs.

Although, it seemed to me as the older I got the less I understood why they made me go. Every Sunday my parents would dress me up in a pretty dress and take me to church, but the question is why? When I was about 12 I asked them and they told me, “Because we have to. We’re Christians and that’s what they do, go to church on Sunday’s, and you will too.”

For the next year I went to church solely because my parents told me to. The more I went because I had to the more bored I got with it and the more I didn’t want to continue going. So, when I was 13 I stopped going. Basically I told my parents it was pointless and I wasn’t going to go if it didn’t matter to me.

Then some time last week I found a flyer in my brothers store. (he lets people post flyers on a bulletin board near the door)

Interested in God, But Not Religion!
Live Rock Worship Music!
Come as You Are!
Saturday Night 7:00 pm
The Rock Church

The flyer caught my interest and I decided I wanted to go and check it out.

Of course I couldn’t convince any of my friends to go with me. They were all too busy going to a party to go with me. Patch got someone to watch the store that night and he went with me.

The first thing I noticed when I walked through the door was the pool table, off to my left, and the Christian books for sale, to my left. Then there was the coffee. They were giving coffee to the people for free. It was good coffee too.

When the service started it began with worship music. It wasn’t the played out, heard a million times before, hymns. I’m not saying that’s bad, but this music got me listening and not just to the music.
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The lead singer of the band (who happens to be one of the Pastors at the church) started talking about how God is Holy. More so that God is perfect in every way, and we as humans aren’t perfect. That was fairly obvious. Since God is perfect and we are not we can’t get to him on our own. That’s when he went into how much God loves those he created. John 3:16-17 NIV “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through Him.”

Listening to him say these words with the conviction and passion that he did it was hard not to believe in what he said.
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After the music a different Pastor came on stage and gave the message (sermon). I won’t go into what the message was about that would take too long, but I will say listening to him talk was a whole new experience as to what church is.
I remember the sermons I sat through at my parents church were long and boring. In all honesty they made me want to go back to bed. But at The Rock it was the complete opposite. Not only did it keep my interest but at times it made me laugh. Most importantly what he was saying made sense to me. I truly understood what he was trying to say. Yet in the dozens of times I went to my parents church I didn’t get the point they were trying to make.
I remember that the Lord’s Prayer was a prayer I used to say every Sunday, but I never really remembered or thought of it after. Then I heard this song, and it made it so much more memorable.

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Really the point here is that there is a difference between God and religion. At least to me now there is. Religion to me was going to church every Sunday because I was supposed to . Calling myself a Christian because my parents said they were. Doing the things on the Do List and not doing the things on the Don’t List. A list of rules and regulations that’s what religion is.
When I say God what I mean is the opposite of what I just described. This church is exactly what religion should be. They go to church because they want to be there, not because they have to. They want to worship God and be around others who want to do the same
I think for now on Saturday nights you’ll find me at The Rock Church. Let me leave you with one more rocking song:

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The Sims

2007-09-18T10:20:00.000-06:00

To the untrained eye i did absolutely noting all day Saturday. Unfortunately, i couldn't go to my brothers store cause he was out of town for the weekend. (Well I could've gone, but it's not as much fun without Patch.) When my parents asked me if I wanted to go with them while they ran some errands I said no. I decided that I didn't want to put myself through that kind of torture.

So, what was it I spent my whole Saturday doing? If you've been paying attention you should be able to answer this question. That's right The Sims.

This game is like a drug, highly addictive. (It's probably not for everyone, but for me once I get hooked on it there's no going back.) I couldn't honestly tell you why, it just is. I sat down to play the game at about 11, in the morning. When I started to get hungry I looked at the clock and it was 2:30. 3 1/2 hours had passed and I had barley noticed.

It shouldn't be too much of a surprise that when my friends called to invite me to a kick ass party, Dasha's words, I turned them down. I told them I was busy and that I wasn't going to be able to pull myself away long enough to go. There's really 2 reasons why I didn't go to the party, 1.) I've never liked the high school parties. Never been a fan of the drinking and stupidity that goes on. 2.) I probably had more fun staying home and playing The Sims then I would have if I had gone to the party, and I knew this to be true.

Ultimately, I spent my Saturday playing the ever exciting and addictive game of The Sims. I probably pulled myself away from the game at midnight, maybe 1. This game is my drug and it's as bad as it'll get.

What Is the World Coming To

2007-09-11T17:32:00.000-06:00

You'll never believe what I saw happen today. It's as if everyone is to busy worrying about themselves to think about the world around them.

I know you've either seen someone do this or have done it yourselves. When someone whose supposed to be driving is busy doing something else; texting on their cell phones, eating food, doing their make-up, or shaving. These people couldn't have taken an extra 5 minutes at home to do these things safely. No they have to rush so fast to wherever they just have to be they risk not only harm to themselves but others.

My older brother, Patch, picked me up from school earlier today. As we were headed back to his store I saw the woman in the SUV next to us doing her make-up. Even as traffic started to move she was still putting her make-up on. That's when it happened. Traffic in front of her suddenly stopped and she didn't see it in time, rear ending the car in front of her. It wasn't that bad of an accident but it was enough to cause quite a bit of damage to the back of the little car she had hit.

It makes you wonder what people are thinking when they're doing this kind of thing. Do they not realize how unsafe it is? Do they not realize that they can be the cause of an accident? This could have been a lot worse. Say if it happened on the freeway and she had been going 70 or 80 MPH. She could have easily killed herself or someone in the car she had hit if she had.

Things like this make you stop and think. What has this world really come to when people start getting into accidents because they're to busy with something else then their own driving?

What On Earth Was She Thinking

2007-09-10T16:06:00.000-06:00

Dasha in her infinite wisdom decided to start a slam book. If you don’t remember what those are, they get passed around school for kids to anonymously tell others what they really think about them. She says she decided to start one because, over the weekend, Katy’s older sister told her about how she made one in high school. After hearing how Samantha had so much fun trashing on others Dasha decided she just had to it too.

“Oh, come on Dash what are you 5? You shouldn’t care what other people think about you. And you shouldn’t writhe nasty things about others just because you can,” I was in full on lecture mode.

“Tal has a point,” Posie, for some unknown reason, had taken my side. “If that gets passed around school others are just going to make up horrible lies about everyone else.”

“That’s half the fun, girls,” of course Katy was taking Dasha’s side. Katy has no problem spreading rumors, hell she already does.

I remember back in the third grade when Katy’s family first moved out here. She was so afraid that no one would like her she made up rumors about people to get attention. She instantly became popular among the other third graders. Quite the reverse happened for those who were being lied about.

Like me. She told everyone that I didn’t know how to read, and that I’d only been pretending. Despite the fact that it was a horrendous lie (I was reading at an 8th grade level by then) everyone was believing it.

I seemed as if no matter what I said or did no one believed me, and everyone tormented me over it. That was until Katy found me crying in the girls bathroom. She felt so bad that she immediately told our classmates that she had made it all up and I really could read. After apologizing, several times, we started to become friends. I still haven’t figured out why Katy did all that for me back then, seeing as I was the only one she felt bad for. Maybe it was because I was the only one she found crying over it? Or maybe she just wanted to be my friend? I have no idea why she would’ve wanted to be my friend, but she did and now 7 years were still friends. Even though she drives me crazy to no end.

Anyway, I just know this slam book of Dasha’s is going to be just as much trouble as Katy’s stories were back in grade school. Honestly I don’t want to know what the population of my high school thinks about me, but I know Katy and Dasha will be the first ones to tell me when they find out. I don’t know what the hell Dasha was thinking when she thought this would be a good idea, but what I do know is that her idea’s have never turned out well. So, I ask you why would this one be any different? I hope it is, but who would I be kidding it’s Dasha.

My final thought: Slam Books are the root of all evil.

My Little Bit of Paradise

2007-09-08T23:31:00.000-06:00

The best thing about the weekend isn’t getting away from school. (In a purely educational sense I love learning. Really I do like school.) No, the best thing about the weekend is getting away from the soap opera called school. I’ve been in school for just under a week and, despite the fact that I like school, I already can’t stand the drama.

The main topics of conversation among my peers are; who the newest couples are. Who are still together. Who broke up with whom. Who cheated on whom. Last but certainly not least, (among the male population) who the easiest girls are.

As you can see it’s fairly obvious why my two day retreat from the never ending world of gossip. Although, getting away from the kids at school isn’t just an abstract type of paradise. It’s not my bit of paradise anyway especially if it’s in my house with my parents.

Saturday morning I stumbled out of bed around noon. As I poured myself a bowl of Coco Pebbles my mother came into the kitchen. My mother of course had been up since 8:oo am, and looked perfect to start her day. (Cause she wouldn’t fathom leaving the house if she didn’t look absolutely perfect.)

“Honestly Talbot, it’s such a beautiful day outside it’s such a shame to sleep till noon. I swear you’d waste your entire day away sleeping if given the chance. You doing anything with you friends this weekend?” my mother asked this question just as I shoveled a spoonful of cereal into my mouth.

I tried to tell her I had no plans for the day, but all that came out was a mumbled mess. I wiped the milk that had leaked down my chin with the back of my hand.

I wasn’t at all surprised when my mother looked disgusted. She looked down at me, as if to scold a child, “For heavens sake haven’t your father and I taught you any better? You do not talk with food in your mouth.” (She said it as if it were an absolute fact, no to be contradicted, and with my mother it’s not something you want to do often.)

“I said I don’t have any plans for today, or this weekend for that matter.”

“Well why not?” my mother huffed. “Why don’t you do something with your friends?”

“I don’t know. I haven’t decided yet, maybe I will.” I knew of course that I wasn’t going to do anything with my friends. I had just told my mother that to get her off my back. I would’ve never heard the end of it if my mother knew I was avoiding my friends for the weekend.

Thankfully she left me alone after that and I slowly got ready for the day. It was around 1:30 pm before I was headed out the door, for the bus stop.

I’m getting distracted. I was talking about paradise, or my paradise at the very least. As I stepped off the bus, the sun shinning down on my bare shoulders, I was only a block away from paradise itself. Thankfully the was a bus stop just a block away fore the store. Otherwise it would’ve been such a nuisance having to walk further.

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It’s as if when I walk through the door of Music: Then and Now my problems just disappear. ’Video Killed the Radio Star’ was blaring through the speakers. Patch’s three band mates were hanging around. (They always seem to be there, as if they have no where else to be.) Sullivan, Sully, is one kick ass drummer. Jake plays lead guitar along with my brother. Donovan, Van, plays bass guitar and sings back up. They play some amazing music together, I haven’t missed a show of theirs yet.

“Hey Mercy, how’s it going?” Jake bellowed over the music as I came in. (The three of them started calling me Mercy for two reasons 1.) it’s like my last name, Mercer and 2.) whenever I play music in the store that they can’t stand I get the same response, “No, heaven have mercy.” Hence the name Mercy.

“Good now that I’m here, Jake,” I smiled.

So, naturally I got the same response from them when I switched the music. They all had something not so nice to say about it when they hear the Jonas Brothers, S.O.S. start to play.

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Being a huge Jonas Brothers fan myself, (I know boy bands aren’t cool anymore, but I like what I like and no one can change that) I started singing right along with the song. The guys looked at me as if I was mental. Hell maybe I was but right then I could’ve cared less.

As the second song started to play I saw Van look over my shoulder. “Patch, please I’m begging you make her turn it off.”

“Sorry guys, you know the rules. You know how it is,” I heard Patch from right behind me. “Tal gets to play whatever music she wants on the weekends.”

“But we can’t take it,” Sully replied, “it’s killing my brain cells as we speak.”

“Stop being so melodramatic, Sullivan,” Patch ordered. “Hey, Tally, how’s my favorite little sister?”

“You mean your only little sister,” I pointed out.

“You don’t have to get so technical, Tal. Besides, you’d still be my favorite,” and he leaned down to kiss me on the cheek.

Despite the 20 year age difference Patch and I are the best of friends. Our relationship has always transcended that of brother and sister. We’ve never fought or gotten into the sibling rivalry. Well, actually we have got into fights, but I wasn’t over anything trivial like; Don’t ever touch my stuff without asking. Were you in my room, what did you take? And other stupid stuff like that.

Patch is the coolest, smartest, funniest, and one of the most successful people I’ve ever met. I don’t just adore my brother as I’ve stated in a pervious entry, I worship him. Ok, I admit that’s a bit extreme, but it’s mostly true. He’s my hero, my role model, and I want to be just like him. Meaning I want to be someone who takes control of their lives and isn’t’ afraid of hat others might think of you when you do.

That’s easier said then down when it comes to me, though. I’m not good with confrontation, and I’m probably one of the shyest people you’ll ever meet. I’m trying to change that though, and maybe soon I’ll speak up for myself. Until then I’ll be speaking here.

Normally I’d say that Music: Then and Now in my bit of paradise, but really it’s were I can be myself without fearing what other people think. Basically, that’s wherever my big brother, Patch, can be found.

Perpetuating the Immaturity

2007-09-06T16:51:00.000-06:00

The fact that high school guys still act like they’re in elementary school isn’t all their fault. The girls they choose to hang out with help them to stay grade schoolers forever.

I did my best to avoid Posie and the rest of my friends. Unfortunately, I have lunch with all three of the girls I’ve so nicely labeled friends. Out of all three of them Posie is definitely the easiest to get along with. I think the only reason that is, is because I’ve known her the longest, and she knows me the best. Knows me enough to know how not to piss me off. That doesn’t actually stop her from doing it though.

I had just got through the line with my food when I was intercepted by Posie and Dasha. “Your going to sit with us right, Tal?” Dasha asked as she giggled in hat high pitched way that makes your ears want to bleed.

“Of course Dash, who else would I sit with. My other friends?” my retort dripping with sarcasm.
Dasha stopped mid stride and my tray nearly missed her backside by an inch. “You have other friends?”

I was dumbfounded. I wasn’t sure exactly how to reply to that. Thankfully Posie beat me to it, “She was being sarcastic, Dash.”

“Oh, well in that case, never mind,” and we continued to our table. Katy was conveniently waiting for us all to come and join her.

I barely had the chance to sit down before Katy bombarded me with questions. “What the hell were you thinking, ,Tal? How could you turn him down? Why wouldn’t you want to go out with him? Like every girl wants to go out with him”

I had a mouth full of mashed potatoes when Katy finished her ranting. I could fell three pairs of eyes boring into me. “What?” I mumbled genuinely confused.

“He asks you out and you just ignore him. What were you thinking?” now it was Dasha’s turn.

I looked to Posie, “Do you have any idea what these two idiots are talking about? Cause I have no idea?”

“We are not idiots,” Katy and Dasha chirped at the same time.

Posie tried to stile a laugh, “Of course your not. It’s just more of Talbot’s sarcasm,” she emphasized the last word as she looked at me.

She really did know me so well. “Yep just more sarcasm. Now is someone going to tell me what the inquisition’s all about?”

“Inquisition?” Dasha honest to God didn’t know what it was. I ignored her and continued to stare at Katy.

Posie spoke up first, “Think about it, Tal, yesterday.”

I looked over to Posie then turned back to Katy, “You couldn’t possibly be talking about Douglas?”

“Who else would I be talking about?” Katy purred. (I’m not shitting you that’s how she said it.)
“He asked you to go out with him and you turned him down. I wouldn’t have.”

Thinking back to the conversation I had yesterday I wanted so badly to say to her, ‘No shit’, but I restrained myself. “Katy, Douglas didn’t so much as ask me out as offer to have sex with me. I wouldn’t go out with anyone who thinks he can get sex before we even go on a first date.”

Final words of my so-called-friends:

Katy, “Your lose”

Posie, “You’re a role model. For girls who don’t want to have fun.”

Dasha, “But really, what’s the inquisition?”

The Immaturity of Boys

2007-09-05T17:23:00.000-06:00

High school boys are no more grown up then when they were 12. The only thing that’s changed is there appearance. Actually, one other thing has changed. now that they’re in high school all they can think about is having sex, or anything of a sexual nature. Yet it is this obsession with sex that makes them still so immature.

Douglas Preston is a boy I’ve know since the third grade. I’ve always considered Douglas one of my friends. He used to be funny, charming, and cute in a goofy sort of way. Sometime between freshman and sophomore year he grew into his goofiness and now he’s one of the most sought after guys in school. Especially ever since he made the football team this year.

The only class Douglas and I have together (since I’m in honors classes) is health, go figure. I was waiting for class to start when Douglas and two of his new meathead friends, both seniors, came barreling into the room.

“Did you see what the new girl in history was wearing?” Michael Harding (the alpha male) practically drooled.

“Oh yeah,” David Corey answered, “Her top was so tight you could just about see everything.”
Michael winked to his friends and proceeded to tell them, “By the end of the week I’m going to make her mine.”

“Your 18 right, Michael?” I asked as I turned around to face them.

Michael glowered down at me, “What, you talking to me?”

“Yeah,” I said slowly, “and it wasn’t that hard of a question.”

“Yes, I’m 18. Is there a point to this?” Michael asked.

“Well, the point is genius,” I began by rolling my eyes, “She’s 16, which means you’re a legal adult and she’s a minor.”

All three of them looked at me with blank stares. I continued, “That’s rape.”

“I’m not as stupid as you seem to think I am. I never have, and never will, force a girl to have sex with me,” Michael said high fiving his friends.

I gave an exasperated sigh, “Well if you so smart you’d know that a legal adult, that’s 18 or older, can go to jail for like 10 years for having sex with a minor, that’s younger then 18.”

They were all completely dumbfounded, couldn’t say a word. Then Douglas, the little shit, had to go and make a comment. “Sorry guys I guess she’s all mine.”

I turned back around in my seat and stared at Douglas. I just stared at him, cause for the life of me I couldn’t think of a word to say to him.

“What?” Douglas asked.

“I don’t know how to respond to that Douglas. It’s like I don’t even know you anymore. How could you objectify women like that?” I demanded.

Douglas looked stricken, “You don’t want me to have sex with her?”

“Are you really asking me that? I can’t tell you who you can and can’t have sex with, but it’s as if you only want to sleep with her to say you’ve slept with her.”

He then smiled slyly, “How about this, I don’t sleep with her if you go out with me.”

I was once again speechless by my once good friends choice of words. “I’m sorry did I hear you right?”

“If you want me I’ll swear off all other women. You know I’ve always had a thing for you,” he talk me. His friends were held rapt by the conversation, waiting for my answer.

“Let me see if I’ve got this straight. You won’t have sex with any other girl as long as I have sex with you?” I was hoping I got it wrong and he hadn’t become a complete pervert, in what seemed overnight.

Douglas gave a lopsided grin, “Of course. Just ask anyone, you won’t be disappointed.”

For the third time in the same conversation I was at a loss for words. So, I did the only thing I could think of. I turned back around and ignored them. I heard the three of them laughing among themselves. I wanted more then anything to believe Douglas had only been joking, but I know I’d only be fooling myself.

The Wonderful World of...ME

2007-09-04T17:25:00.000-06:00

What is there that I can say about me? Well, my name is Talbot Mercer, but I go by Tal cause Talbot sounds why too preppy. I'd say I'm just your average, everyday, ordinary 15 year old sophomore in high school. Except maybe I'm not so average. Above average? maybe in my IQ (I'm a straight A honors student). Unique? maybe cause I don't want to be like the IN crowd (even though my so-called-friends worship them and one day will be them). Non-conformist? maybe cause my so-called-friends are always complaining that I dress like a total loser (there words exactly with a little bit of a valley girl accent. Even though we live about as far east as you can get from beautiful sunny California). I guess you could say I'm your smart, fashionably and socially inept jock. Yeah that's right I said jock. I love playing soccer.

It's the only thing I do in my school that would even remotely be seen as popular. My friend Posie (whose your perfect gorgeous blond) would tell you that I'm the most anti social person she has ever met in her life. That I have the amazing potential to be popular, if only I tried. I don't go to any of the school events, that is none that have to do with girls soccer cause I 'm required to go to those. I do my damnedest to avoid parties in general, cause I'm not into getting wasted and losing all my inhibitions. That's right I'm a virgin, and I'm guessing one of the few still left at my school. One of my other friends, Katy, has told us all in excruciating detail about her sex life, most of which I could live without (well not the sex part, cause I don't plan on being a virgin for the rest of my life, but having to listen to Katy tell about all the guys she's been with and what they've done in detail. That I can live without). Another friend of mine, Dasha, has never had actual sex, but she's done everything else (if you know what I mean). Posie, on the other hand, I couldn't honestly tell you if she's done the deed or not. With her it's hard to tell cause she doesn't talk about it, but I wouldn't be surprised if she has with that boyfriend of hers. They've been going out since the 8th grade and they still seem to be madly in love, or at least as madly in love as you can be at 15 and 16 years old.

Enough about my friends already, huh? Let's move on to my family. My parents, despite what seems to be all the rage these days, are still married. They've been happily married for 35 and still seem to be able to stand each other, even though they have different personalities. My dad is a journalist, he writes for a paper here in Boston (Boston is all your getting about where I live and which school I go to. I wouldn't want people hearing me bitch and complain about them on the Internet for all to see, and become even more of an outcast). My mother is a real estate agent, she sells the lovely homes that nobody whose middle class can afford. Oh, and I should mention that my mother is like an adult version of my so-called-friends. The way she talks about perfect Posie, with her size 2 body and full blond hair, I know she wishes her one and only daughter were her, not the thick brown haired, size 12, fashion disaster daughter she got.

There is only one person in my life that I can stand to be with for exactly who they are, and no it's not myself. It's my older brother, Patch. He is the reason I fell in love with the 80's, being that he was a teenager during them. Yeah that's right, my older brother is 20 years older then I am, he's 35. (I know it's a little weird isn't it him being 20 years my senior. Here's how it went down; my parents had Patch when they were just teenagers themselves. My mother was actually my age 15, my dad was 16. So, they've been married exactly as many years as Patch has been alive. Well after having Patch as teens they hadn't planned on having another kid at all, but 20 some years later, uh-oh, I came into the world as a little accident.) I think the age difference is why I adore him so much. He owns a record store called Music: Then and Now. It's got everything you could possibly imagine; to the newest rap, rock, country, or pop c.d.'s to vinyl from the 60's, 70's, 80's and much, much more. He's also an aspiring musician, he plays guitar and sings lead vocals in a local band he formed with his friends called You.Yes.You. If my parents would let me I'd move in with Patch, he's offered to let me stay with him cause he says I'm the coolest little sister a guy could have. But my parents being as old fashioned as they are think it would be wrong for a teenage girl to live on her own with only a sibling, even though he really is old enough to be my father.

Well I can't think of anything else to say today, but I'll be back I'll fill you in on all the ups and downs of my life. Buckle up it's going to be a bumpy ride.