Maybe I'm Just Paranoid But...

I know it's been awhile since I last posted anything, but I'm back. I've been so busy with school work it's not even funny, and coming from me that saying something. Seeing as how I like school. Maybe not homework so much, but just school in general.

This year there's a new girl in school. Her name is Cassandra, but she goes by Cassie. She's absolutely gorgeous. You know how a long time ago I mentioned how beautiful my best friend Posie is, well you could say she's even more beautiful. Or just in different ways. It's not just looks she has either, she's got brains as well. She's in a lot of my advanced placement classes as well.

Oh, and don't forget the fact that she's trying to steal my friends. Yeah, I know that sounds all third grade and immature (and I have had people tell me that already), but it's completely true. She sits with us every day at lunch. That might not seem so bad, but let me tell you about it. When I get to the table everyone is already there, talking and laughing, having a great time. The second I sit down they stop talking about whatever it was they were talking about, with a complete subject change. Wait, I haven't reached the best part yet. What happens when I ask them what they're talking about? Cassie looks over at me condescendingly and tells me it was nothing, and I shouldn't worry about it. I wasn't worrying, your crazy .... (I'm not even going to say what I was thinking, but you know.)

Of course I would ask Posie, every time, what they were talking about and why it was just a secret. She, being my best friend, would tell me what they had been talking about and it wasn't even great conversation. So, my question is then why is Cassie not allowing me to join in the conversation? My guess would be that for some reason, that I can't fathom, she just does not like me. The real question is though, if she doesn't like me why is she spending so much time with my friends? I don't know, but I'll keep you posted.

What people think of the situation:

• Posie- She's new and she doesn't know anyone so I should give her the benefit of the doubt, and not think she's out to get me.
• Patch- That I'm being paranoid. I need to stop seeing what I want to see and see what's really there. Easy for him to say he's never met her, and seen how she acts towards me.
• Jonah- That I'm probably right and she's out to get me. She wants to steal my friends and my life. Of course after he says this he start laughing uncontrollably. Can I really listen to what he says? I mean you do remember who Jonah is right?

Well all until next time have a great week, and don't get into too much trouble.
I love you all, Tal.

School Is Once Again Starting!

It would seem that I'm doing absolutely on this holiday of ours. It's also the last day before school once again starts up for the year. I find myself once more in the familiar predicament of not wanting the summer and my freedom of only having to do what I want (and sometimes my parents) to having to return to the routine of school, Monday tru Friday. Yet, it's not as bad for me as it is for all my other friends, because I really like going to school. Which I know sounds completely crazy coming from a 15 year old sophomore.

I'm more then ready for my classes to start and to get back to the pleasure of learning. That's what it is for me, even if you or anyone else might not think it's all that sane. Although, I'll be a bit sad that I will no longer have all the time in the world to just sit and relax with a good book, because that's also something I do. School will be amazing this year though. I'll be taking chemistry, calculus, my second year of Russian, art history, and the best class of them all drivers ed.

Even if the first day of school is dreaded to all my other classmates, I dare you to find one sophomore, just one, who isn't completely excited to be taking drivers ed this year. I mean what teenager hasn't been looking fore ward to being able to drive since they were like 6. I know I have.

With today being my last day of freedom before school starts back up I'm going to enjoy it the best way I know how. I'm going down to my brothers store and hang out with the coolest band that's ever rocked this town. Anyways, I'll see you all around.

A Summer On The Road

Hey everyone, sorry I haven't been on for the last two months, but my life has been crazy and unpredictable. My brother and his band decided to tour these past few months. From the end of May till the middle of July. My parents didn't want to let me go at first, but I begged and I pleaded. In the end Patch promised them he'd bring me back in one piece, without any tattoos. Not that I would get one anyway. I have an irrational fear of needles, I'm a bit needle phobic (Or whatever the phobia is called.)


They finally agreed to let me go, once the school year officially ended of course. So, I've been traveling the east coast with my totally cool older brother, his amazingly awesome band mates, and their completely sexy new drummer. Which by the way I got to know a lot better. Nolan's really fun and we seem to have the same interests, in like books and music and stuff. I certainly will be hanging out with the band more often. Question: If I'm the lead singers little sister does that still mean I'm a groupie, or what?


The reason I haven't been able to get online and keep you all up to date is because I currently don't own a laptop. Patch has one, but it was being a bitch and would barely come online long enough to check email before it would disconnect itself. It sucked that I couldn't keep my loyal fans (that's everyone reading this right now) up to date on the fun and crazy life that was my summer touring with a band.


Now that summer is winding down and the school year is fast approaching I'll have more time to keep in touch. I'll be doing some back to school shopping with my friends hoping to find the right style, except I'm not really sure that the cloths I wear would be considered style. At least, that's what my friends would tell you anyway.


To be honest with you I can't wait for the school year to start back up. I love school, and learning, but it's also my sophomore year. You know what that means right? Drivers Ed. I get to learn how to drive and when I turn 16 in January I'll get my license, and my parents will get me my first car. Even if it's a POS, that they'll pay probably $2,000 for.


Well, I'll let you know what's going on as things progress throughout the year. But for now I've got places to go and things to see. OK, not really, but it sounded cool.

A Poem For a Boy

I fall into oblivion
Wondering in a daze
I look to see you standing there
A smile on your face

You hold your hand out to me
And I find it hard to breath
I want to be in your arms
And never slip away

I find myself falling
Falling faster
Faster for you

I never felt so scared inside
Yet happy all at the same time
I want to hear you call my name
And tell me everything is all right

I only want to see your face
Just once outside my dreams
I always seem to find you there
But never when I wake
When I open my eyes your smile and touch slowly fade away.

No matter what I say or do I seem to be falling
Falling faster in love with you

Could I Have Been Any Stupider?

I went to my local Barnes n' Noble yesterday afternoon and that's when I met Skyler. He was 5'9" with dirty blond hair and pale green eyes. Might I add that he was freaking gorgeous. I was sitting in the cafe drinking a Carmel Frappacino, and reading a book, when he sat down at the table next to mine. I noticed him watching me. It wasn't a creepy pedophile kind of staring but that he was into me.

I looked up at him and smiled, and he decided to join me at my table. "Hello there, I'm Skyler. What might the pretty ladies name be?"

I pretended to be shocked, "You mean me?"

He laughed, "Of course I mean you. I did sit down at your table didn't I?"

"I guess you did. In that case, I'm Tal."

"That's a cool name. I like that it's unique. Is it short for something?"

"Talbot."

"Even better," his eyes sparkled when he smiled. "What do we find ourselves reading today, Tal?"

I took a sip of my coffee, "I don't know about you, but I'm reading Burnt Offerings by Laurell K. Hamilton."

I watched him laugh silently, "What's it about? Any good?"

"Yeah, I love it. It's the seventh book in a series. It's about this woman, Anita Blake, who raises the dead for a living as well as kill vampires. Well, when she's not dating them. They're really good. This is the second time I've read this one."

"Sounds cool, I love vampires. If they were real I'd want to be one," he told me.

I looked him straight in the eye and told him (as if dead serious.) "Who says their not?"

He didn't know what to say at first, and he was kind of freaked out, but he figured out that I was only joking pretty quick. "You have a strange sense of humor. It's refreshing most girls have a dumb sense of humor. For a moment I wasn't sure if you were being serious or not."

"I'm as serious as a heart attack," he looked seriously puzzled. "That was a little lame wasn't it?"

"No, it wasn't a little lame. It was very lame."

"Yeah it was. I can't believe I said that, I'm so embarrassed. I always say the stupidest shit when I'm nervous."

"Why would you be nervous?" Skyler asked.

"I always get nervous when talking to a cute guy."

He have me a lopsided grin, "You shouldn't be nervous, I'm a nice guy. Can I ask you something?"

"Sure."

"How old are you?"

"15," now he'd run away, "But I'll be 16 in like two months."

"Really, your only 15? I would have said 17 for sure."

"I find that hard to believe. What about you?"

"You shouldn't, you seem very mature. That's why I would have said older. I'll be 18 in 3 1/2 months."

"That's cool. So where do you go to school? I haven't' seen you around."

"Actually, I graduated last year and I go to the university."

"That definitely earns you points."

"Awesome, I'll have to start thinking of what I want to cash them in for." I couldn't help but laugh at him. "What do you have planned for tonight?"

"Nothing really, I'll probably go see my brother's band play."

"That sounds like fun. Is it like a teenage band then?"

"No, my brother is 35. The youngest member in the band is their new drummer and he's 22."

"Your brother's 20 years older then you are, that's crazy." He changed the subject super fast, "If your not doing anything tonight you should let me take you to dinner?"

"I just met you 10 minutes go and you're already asking me out on a date?"

"So, what do you say?"

"You know what, yes. I will let you take me out to dinner."

"Perfect, how about you meet me back here at 5 and I'll drive?"

"Sounds like a plan."

"Alright, Tal, I'll see you in a few hours," he pushed back form the table and headed out the door.

Shoving my book in my purse (let me assure you I wasn't stealing it, I had already owned the book when I went to the store) I threw my empty coffee cup away, and headed to the store. I had to tell Patch about my date.



Patch wasn't there when I got there. Jonah was sitting behind the counter, "He should be back in 10-15 minutes, sweetheart."

"How many times do I have to tell you not to call me things like that, before you get it through your thick skull?"

His laugh was sinfully sweet, "At least one more time. What are you so hot to tell Patch about anyway?"

"Not that it's any of you business, but I have a date tonight," I told him.

"The lucky bastard. Don't let him take advantage of you," Jonah insisted.

"He won't, because unlike you he's a nice guy. He's polite, smart, and a gentleman, also unlike you."

"I guess I deserved that," I turned to walk away but his voice had me turning back around. "If he tries to take advantage of you tell me and I'll kick his ass."

I stared at him in complete silence for a minute or two, "I didn't realize you gave a shit."

"No it's just if anyone gets to take advantage of you it's going to be me. Certainly not some random guy you just met."

"You are such a dick. You know you were some random guy I just met when you tried to get me drunk and take advantage of me?"

"I know, but that was me not him."

I shook my head, "I've had enough of you for one day. When Patch gets here tell him I'm upstairs."

"Sure thing beautiful," he called after me.

When I finally told Patch about my date he wasn't completely thrilled. He was happy for me, but he was worried about the fact that I had just met him. I told him not to worry and headed home to find something to wear.

I ended up choosing these cute jeans with read seams up the legs. They were tight, but not you look fat tight. With a read sleeveless shirt that my brother's band had made.

Skyler ended up taking me to this expensive restaurant downtown. I can't tell you the name, because it might give something away. After dinner was when things got out of control. He asked if I would like to go for a walk in the park. I said yes. It was already dark so we practically saw nobody else. After a bit of walking Skyler took a seat on a park bench. "Why don't we sit a moment and enjoy the night."

He put his arm around my shoulder, and before I realized it he was leaning in to kiss me. I let him. I wouldn't usually let someone kiss me on the first date, but for some reason I wanted him to. As we continued to kiss his hands started to touch me, but I pushed them away. He moved his hands, for a moment. When ever they got too low or too high I would push them away, but they seemed to keep coming back.

When I finally realized that he wasn't the nice guy I thought he was I told him to stop. I was glad when he did, I guess I was a little scared he wouldn't. He didn't try to force me to do anything, but he was so angry that he left. I ended up having to walk home. I wasn't going to call my parents, or Patch, to come and get me I was too humiliated.

In the end I told everyone that I had a fun time, but I probably wouldn't see him again. I couldn't even bring myself to tell Patch the truth of the night.

I headed down to the store today, because at home I was bored out of my mind. (I'm actually at the store now writing this on Patch's computer.) When I got there of course Jonah was behind the counter reading a magazine. He looked up when he heard the bell, "Hey sweet thing, how was your date."

"It was fine. I'm going upstairs."

He tossed the magazine down on the counter. "You are a horrible liar. I see right through you. It wasn't fine, he did something didn't he?"

"No, nothing happened. I said no he stopped, that's it. I told everyone that I had a good time and I don't plan on seeing him again, and you better remember that."

"I won't tell on you. If the guy ever comes in here though I'll kick his ass."

I laughed, "You don't even know what he looks like."

"Well then you'll just have to tell me, darlin."

"Oh, shut-up," I half laughed as I walked away.

Now I'm going to leave you with a song. I love Sublime they're one of the best bands ever. This song reminds me of Skyler, or almost any guy for that matter. They only seem to have one thing on their minds. So, I leave you with Sublime's 'Caress Me Down'.

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A Poem

I find it harder to live each day on my own
And it becomes harder each day
You offered Your help
You sent me Your grace

But I ran from You
As far as I could go
No matter how far
No matter how hard I tried
I could never go so far
As to be away from You

The more I ran
The more You’d chase after me
My days became hard
My nights became long
And I couldn’t sleep without You

I need you because I can’t live without you
Cause You are my God
And I live for You
You are my God
And I breath for You
You are my God
And I’ll worship You
From now until eternity

What Sucks Worse Then Being Sick All Weekend?

To answer the question stated in my title, NOTHING. I got so sick last Thursday I couldn't even get drag myself out of bed long enough to walk down the hall to my bathroom. It was the worst thing ever. I was just as sick all weekend too. (Even a bit on Monday but my mom made me go back to school at that point.)

There were two things that made it about a hundred times worse then it should have been. And no I don't mean my mother hovering over me all weekend making sure I wasn't going to burst into flames from my 101* fever. The first thing was the fact that I ended up missing not just one but two concerts.

The first one was my brother, Patch's, show with the guys. It should have been totally awesome, not that they aren't every time they play. Sully is still in town for another week and half so luckily I didn't miss his last show with the band, cause I think I would have had to kill somebody. Next weekend is his official last show with the band, and I think I might have to cry. Friday night was the first show that featured Nolan the new drummer. He only played one song with the band, but I was hysterical that I didn't get to see it. Really though I wasn't cause I was too busy puking to worry about it at the time.

The second concert I missed was on Saturday night. Seeing as how I was still throwing my guts up at the time. Patch and I were set and psyched to go to the concert but he ended up taking Sully instead. I guess if I couldn't go might as well let him cause he's leaving us and all. I'm not even going to tell you which concert cause then I'd have to be reminded all the time that I missed out on it. Why torture myself when I don't have to.

The second reason for it sucking being sick was missing school. Missing classes would have been amazing if not for two things. 1.) The fact that I was sick and couldn't do anything but lay in bed and try to sleep. 2.) I had a shit load of homework to do after missing Thursday and Friday. Seeing as how it's already Wednesday and I'm only now just getting time to get on here and write this.

Well I'm going to leave you with a thought and a song. First the thought, if you ever wake up early in the morning ready to go to school and think to yourself, "I wish I was sick so I could stay home. That would be so much better then being in school." Think again, it's a million times worse and you still have to do the homework you would have had to do. Although, now you have to do your current work and your make up work at the same time and get it done by the same short day. I would have honestly rather have been in school those two days.

Now a song. While sick I kept thinking of this Boys Like Girls song, 5 Minutes to Midnight. Only because I was sick and couldn't get this one line of the song out of my head. It goes, "I've got a sickness you've got the cure." I was sick and it was a sickness and a cure. Anyway, I'll leave you with this awesome song. Rock on and I'll talk to you all later.

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Highs and Lows: This Was Maybe Both

Alright, so Saturday was a toss up between good and bad. Bad because upon going to my brothers store who was there? Yep that's right, Jonah (The spawn of Satan.) Of I tried to stay away from him as much as possible. Patch was holding auditions again. They were still looking for a new drummer.

The second I got there Jonah was trying to get on my nerves. (Really he probably wasn't, but of course he just was by doing anything.) "Hey there darlin. It's good to see you again."

I ignored his comment and headed straight for my brother and the auditions being held in the back. I got there and the guy that was playing had no sense of rhythm. Honestly, I probably could have played the drums better then that guy. I suffered through a couple of hours of mind numbing idiocy, being beaten extremely loud on a set of drums.

Not being able to take the noise any longer and decided to try my luck downstairs. I started browsing through the new vinyl my brother had on display. There was nothing overly exciting, nothing I hadn't seen before. I was starting to relax, seeing as how I hadn't heard a word from a certain someone, when I heard, "Find anything good? I'm sure you get a real good discount."

"What part of don't talk to me do you not understand? Trust me you do not want to piss me off," I told him.

"I'm so scared," he replied sarcastically, "I hardly doubt your brother is going to fire me because I tried talking to you."

"No, but if you trying anything your so out of here."

"I"m shaking in my boots," and he laughed. Despite the fact that he's the biggest creep I've met in my life he has one hell of a sexy smile.

I was standing there glaring at him when someone just as good looking, if not more, walked in. I was about to say something to him but Jonah beat me to it, "Hi there, is there anything I can do for you?"

"Yes, I'm looking for the auditions," and he held up a pair of drum sticks.

"Oh, yeah they're though the back and up the stairs," Johan replied.

He looked to the back door but he seemed hesitant to just head right on back. So, I took this as an opportunity to 1.) do something different and not be around Jonah and 2.) talk to the hottie. "Follow me I'll show you back."

'Thanks," he was kind of quite. I would have to do something about that.

"So, are you any good?" I asked.

"Good at what?"

I pointed to the drum sticks in his hand, "At the drums."

"Oh right, sorry I'm still a little tired. But yeah, I think I'm amazing."

"That's what they all say."

He laughed, "The only difference is I really am. I'm Nolan by the way."

"It's nice to meet you Nolan. I'm Talbot."

"That's a pretty name," and he smiled at me. Oh, heavens was he gorgeous.

I didn't want the conversation to end so quickly but we were there and the guys were just getting rid of the last loser to not actually be playing. Nolan was next and might I say that he really was amazing. Patch told him that they would give him a call after they finished the auditions. Although, after he left everyone was fairly confident that he would become their new drummer.

Final Thoughts:
1.) Patch need to keep looking for someone who can work on the weekends, cause this isn't working for me.
2.) Nolan is the best drummer to walk through the door and the most handsome.
3.) Should I mention that he's single. He's 22, gorgeous, and completely single.

Disaster Isn't Even a Strong Enough Word For My Saturday

Let’s star at the beginning, cause at least it started out amazingly well. While I was just waking up around noon my brother and his friends had been holding auditions for a new drummer since nine that morning.

Patch called me just as I was stumbling out of bed. He wanted to know if I wanted to go get lunch while he took a break from the audition process. They hadn’t had one person come through the door that they would even consider calling back.

The two of us ended up getting lunch at the best Mexican restaurant in town. If I do Mexican it wouldn’t be anywhere else.

“I can’t believe you’d leave those boys alone in your store. Who knows what they might do,” I jokingly asked.

“Seriously, they might burn the store down, along with my apartment. Really though I found someone who can work Saturdays. Now I’ll have more time to spend with the coolest girl in the world,” Patch informed me.

“That’s so cool. I’m surprised you found someone so fast. Now tell me whose the lucky bitch?”

He for some reason thought that was the funniest thing I’d ever said. “That was pretty funny.”

“Pretty funny? It sounded like you thought it was hilarious. But really though who is this other woman in your life?”

“There is no other woman you idiot, it’s you.”

“I know,” as I giggled, “I just wanted to hear you say it.”

“Jerk,” and he threw a chip at me.

Everything was fine until Patch decided he needed to get back to the store to continue auditions. Of course I went with him. I sure wasn’t going to go back home and spend the day with my parents. Don’t get me wrong I love my parents, but I don’t want to spend my Saturday with them.

Patch headed in and straight to the back, (the auditions were being held upstairs in his apartment.) I was all ready to follow him back, but I got stopped dead in my tracks. I couldn’t stop myself from gawking at the new cashier.

“Well hello beautiful. Long time no see,” it was Jonah. (That jerk of a college guy from New Years Eve.)

“Tal, are you coming?” Patch asked from the doorway to the back room.

I looked from him to Jonah and back, “No I’m leaving.” I dashed to the front door and ran all the way to the bus stop.

I could hear Patch yelling for me to come back. I was to fast for him though. I had just taken a seat at the back of the bus when I got a call from him on my cell phone.

“What?” I asked.

“What? What do you mean what? Why the hell did you run out of the store like that?”

“Why? Because of that asshole you hired. I can’t go in there now if he’s there.”

“Why not, he’s a good kid? Hard worker too.” I couldn’t believe he was even saying that about him.

“A good kid? A good kid? Let me tell you something about your good kid. You remember why you came and got me on New Years Eve?”

“Of course,” Patch replied, “How could I possibly forget.”

“Well that was Jonah. He’s the reason I left the party.”

“Are you sure?”

I didn’t say anything for a moment. I wasn’t really sure if I had actually heard him say that. “Did you really just say that?”

“Right stupid question,” he admitted.

“So are you going to fire him, so I can come back to the store?” I asked.

“I can’t fire him for that, sweetheart. Don’t worry I’ll definitely be having a talk with that boy. Now will you stop being a baby and come back here?”

“No I’m going home.”

“Fine, I’ll see you in a couple hours then.”

“No you won’t. I’m not coming back today.”

“Honestly, Tal, I know you too well. I know you’d rather be here even though he is then spend the day with our parents.”

“You know what Patch? I’m going to prove you wrong.”

“Yeah okay. I’ll talk to you later.”

“Bye,” and I ended the call.

I really was determined to stay home the rest of Saturday. Although, when I got home around 2 my mother insisted something was wrong and would not leave me alone. She practically followed me around the house, smothering me. (Have you ever noticed smother is just mother with an S in front of it?)

I had no choice but to leave the house, before I jumped off the roof. I wondered around town for a while but ultimately I found myself standing outside the music store. To go in or not to go in, that is the question.

I decided to just go in, head straight for the back and up to my brothers apartment. No stopping to talk, not even looking back.

“Welcome back. I was really sad when you left the party the way you did.”

I only stopped long enough to say, “Don’t talk to me.”

When I showed up at the auditions Patch didn’t say anything about me coming back. No I told you SOs.

He only said one thing about the situation, “I talked to him and if he tries anything, anything at all, you tell me and he’s so out of here, ok?”

“Thanks, Patch. You know how amazing you are?”

“Of course.”

I stayed and watched the rest of the auditions they had for that day. Nothing overly exciting. A couple they might call back if no one better turns up. Good thing they’re doing this next Saturday too.

Well I guess my day wasn’t as bad as I had previously imagined. Although, it is going to be very awkward going in there while he’s there. He’s the total jerk, but I’m the one who feels weird about it. I know he doesn’t in the least.

Well that’s all for now!

The Loss of a Drummer

I found myself at my brother’s store today after school. Patch and his three best friends, band mates, where crowded around the register. They were all sad, mad, and a bit depressed.

I joined them over by the register, “Hey guys, what’s wrong?”

“Sully, the bastard, is leaving us,” Patch said.

“Leaving?”

“Yeah, Karen and I are going to be moving to California,” Sully replied. (Karen is Sullivan’s wife.)

“California? What could possibly be in California?” I asked him.

“Better job and better money, sweetheart.”

“What about the band, Sully?” the band couldn’t break up like this.

“That’s what we said,” Van added.

“I’m sorry guys,” despite the fact that he was the one leaving he did seem really upset about it. “This is something I have to do. Besides I won’t be leaving for another month. I promise I’ll help you boys find a new drummer. We’ll find you guys someone absolutely amazing.”

“We’ll never be able to find someone as good as you, man,” Jake kind of sounded heartbroken.

They decided to start holding auditions for a new drummer next Saturday. We’ll see how well that goes, (Who knows what kind of psychos will turn out) Of course I pointed out to my brother that unless he hired someone who can work weekends there was no way he could hold auditions and be at them as well.

Now while the band is trying to find a drummer who can live up to Sully’s legacy Patch is going to be trying to find someone who can work at the store on weekends. It’s harder then it seems seeing as how my brother and his band mates are still the ones who have to do it.