Inside the Mind of a Sloppy Firsts Girl!

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Monday, January 28, 2008

Highs and Lows: This Was Maybe Both

Alright, so Saturday was a toss up between good and bad. Bad because upon going to my brothers store who was there? Yep that's right, Jonah (The spawn of Satan.) Of I tried to stay away from him as much as possible. Patch was holding auditions again. They were still looking for a new drummer.

The second I got there Jonah was trying to get on my nerves. (Really he probably wasn't, but of course he just was by doing anything.) "Hey there darlin. It's good to see you again."

I ignored his comment and headed straight for my brother and the auditions being held in the back. I got there and the guy that was playing had no sense of rhythm. Honestly, I probably could have played the drums better then that guy. I suffered through a couple of hours of mind numbing idiocy, being beaten extremely loud on a set of drums.

Not being able to take the noise any longer and decided to try my luck downstairs. I started browsing through the new vinyl my brother had on display. There was nothing overly exciting, nothing I hadn't seen before. I was starting to relax, seeing as how I hadn't heard a word from a certain someone, when I heard, "Find anything good? I'm sure you get a real good discount."

"What part of don't talk to me do you not understand? Trust me you do not want to piss me off," I told him.

"I'm so scared," he replied sarcastically, "I hardly doubt your brother is going to fire me because I tried talking to you."

"No, but if you trying anything your so out of here."

"I"m shaking in my boots," and he laughed. Despite the fact that he's the biggest creep I've met in my life he has one hell of a sexy smile.

I was standing there glaring at him when someone just as good looking, if not more, walked in. I was about to say something to him but Jonah beat me to it, "Hi there, is there anything I can do for you?"

"Yes, I'm looking for the auditions," and he held up a pair of drum sticks.

"Oh, yeah they're though the back and up the stairs," Johan replied.

He looked to the back door but he seemed hesitant to just head right on back. So, I took this as an opportunity to 1.) do something different and not be around Jonah and 2.) talk to the hottie. "Follow me I'll show you back."

'Thanks," he was kind of quite. I would have to do something about that.

"So, are you any good?" I asked.

"Good at what?"

I pointed to the drum sticks in his hand, "At the drums."

"Oh right, sorry I'm still a little tired. But yeah, I think I'm amazing."

"That's what they all say."

He laughed, "The only difference is I really am. I'm Nolan by the way."

"It's nice to meet you Nolan. I'm Talbot."

"That's a pretty name," and he smiled at me. Oh, heavens was he gorgeous.

I didn't want the conversation to end so quickly but we were there and the guys were just getting rid of the last loser to not actually be playing. Nolan was next and might I say that he really was amazing. Patch told him that they would give him a call after they finished the auditions. Although, after he left everyone was fairly confident that he would become their new drummer.

Final Thoughts:
1.) Patch need to keep looking for someone who can work on the weekends, cause this isn't working for me.
2.) Nolan is the best drummer to walk through the door and the most handsome.
3.) Should I mention that he's single. He's 22, gorgeous, and completely single.

Sunday, January 20, 2008

Disaster Isn't Even a Strong Enough Word For My Saturday

Let’s star at the beginning, cause at least it started out amazingly well. While I was just waking up around noon my brother and his friends had been holding auditions for a new drummer since nine that morning.

Patch called me just as I was stumbling out of bed. He wanted to know if I wanted to go get lunch while he took a break from the audition process. They hadn’t had one person come through the door that they would even consider calling back.

The two of us ended up getting lunch at the best Mexican restaurant in town. If I do Mexican it wouldn’t be anywhere else.

“I can’t believe you’d leave those boys alone in your store. Who knows what they might do,” I jokingly asked.

“Seriously, they might burn the store down, along with my apartment. Really though I found someone who can work Saturdays. Now I’ll have more time to spend with the coolest girl in the world,” Patch informed me.

“That’s so cool. I’m surprised you found someone so fast. Now tell me whose the lucky bitch?”

He for some reason thought that was the funniest thing I’d ever said. “That was pretty funny.”

“Pretty funny? It sounded like you thought it was hilarious. But really though who is this other woman in your life?”

“There is no other woman you idiot, it’s you.”

“I know,” as I giggled, “I just wanted to hear you say it.”

“Jerk,” and he threw a chip at me.

Everything was fine until Patch decided he needed to get back to the store to continue auditions. Of course I went with him. I sure wasn’t going to go back home and spend the day with my parents. Don’t get me wrong I love my parents, but I don’t want to spend my Saturday with them.

Patch headed in and straight to the back, (the auditions were being held upstairs in his apartment.) I was all ready to follow him back, but I got stopped dead in my tracks. I couldn’t stop myself from gawking at the new cashier.

“Well hello beautiful. Long time no see,” it was Jonah. (That jerk of a college guy from New Years Eve.)

“Tal, are you coming?” Patch asked from the doorway to the back room.

I looked from him to Jonah and back, “No I’m leaving.” I dashed to the front door and ran all the way to the bus stop.

I could hear Patch yelling for me to come back. I was to fast for him though. I had just taken a seat at the back of the bus when I got a call from him on my cell phone.

“What?” I asked.

“What? What do you mean what? Why the hell did you run out of the store like that?”

“Why? Because of that asshole you hired. I can’t go in there now if he’s there.”

“Why not, he’s a good kid? Hard worker too.” I couldn’t believe he was even saying that about him.

“A good kid? A good kid? Let me tell you something about your good kid. You remember why you came and got me on New Years Eve?”

“Of course,” Patch replied, “How could I possibly forget.”

“Well that was Jonah. He’s the reason I left the party.”

“Are you sure?”

I didn’t say anything for a moment. I wasn’t really sure if I had actually heard him say that. “Did you really just say that?”

“Right stupid question,” he admitted.

“So are you going to fire him, so I can come back to the store?” I asked.

“I can’t fire him for that, sweetheart. Don’t worry I’ll definitely be having a talk with that boy. Now will you stop being a baby and come back here?”

“No I’m going home.”

“Fine, I’ll see you in a couple hours then.”

“No you won’t. I’m not coming back today.”

“Honestly, Tal, I know you too well. I know you’d rather be here even though he is then spend the day with our parents.”

“You know what Patch? I’m going to prove you wrong.”

“Yeah okay. I’ll talk to you later.”

“Bye,” and I ended the call.

I really was determined to stay home the rest of Saturday. Although, when I got home around 2 my mother insisted something was wrong and would not leave me alone. She practically followed me around the house, smothering me. (Have you ever noticed smother is just mother with an S in front of it?)

I had no choice but to leave the house, before I jumped off the roof. I wondered around town for a while but ultimately I found myself standing outside the music store. To go in or not to go in, that is the question.

I decided to just go in, head straight for the back and up to my brothers apartment. No stopping to talk, not even looking back.

“Welcome back. I was really sad when you left the party the way you did.”

I only stopped long enough to say, “Don’t talk to me.”

When I showed up at the auditions Patch didn’t say anything about me coming back. No I told you SOs.

He only said one thing about the situation, “I talked to him and if he tries anything, anything at all, you tell me and he’s so out of here, ok?”

“Thanks, Patch. You know how amazing you are?”

“Of course.”

I stayed and watched the rest of the auditions they had for that day. Nothing overly exciting. A couple they might call back if no one better turns up. Good thing they’re doing this next Saturday too.

Well I guess my day wasn’t as bad as I had previously imagined. Although, it is going to be very awkward going in there while he’s there. He’s the total jerk, but I’m the one who feels weird about it. I know he doesn’t in the least.

Well that’s all for now!

Friday, January 11, 2008

The Loss of a Drummer

I found myself at my brother’s store today after school. Patch and his three best friends, band mates, where crowded around the register. They were all sad, mad, and a bit depressed.

I joined them over by the register, “Hey guys, what’s wrong?”

“Sully, the bastard, is leaving us,” Patch said.

“Leaving?”

“Yeah, Karen and I are going to be moving to California,” Sully replied. (Karen is Sullivan’s wife.)

“California? What could possibly be in California?” I asked him.

“Better job and better money, sweetheart.”

“What about the band, Sully?” the band couldn’t break up like this.

“That’s what we said,” Van added.

“I’m sorry guys,” despite the fact that he was the one leaving he did seem really upset about it. “This is something I have to do. Besides I won’t be leaving for another month. I promise I’ll help you boys find a new drummer. We’ll find you guys someone absolutely amazing.”

“We’ll never be able to find someone as good as you, man,” Jake kind of sounded heartbroken.

They decided to start holding auditions for a new drummer next Saturday. We’ll see how well that goes, (Who knows what kind of psychos will turn out) Of course I pointed out to my brother that unless he hired someone who can work weekends there was no way he could hold auditions and be at them as well.

Now while the band is trying to find a drummer who can live up to Sully’s legacy Patch is going to be trying to find someone who can work at the store on weekends. It’s harder then it seems seeing as how my brother and his band mates are still the ones who have to do it.

Monday, January 7, 2008

Return of the Slam Book

If your not already familiar with the slam book then I suggest you go back and read a previous entry, What On Earth Was She Thinking. To recap: Back in September my friend Dasha decided, with all of her wisdom, to start a slam book. Despite Posie and myself trying to convince her otherwise.

I went back to school today (after a nice Christmas with my family and as I mentioned in the previous entry a not happy New Year.) as always I was super excited and completely ready for school to start up again after too much family time during the holidays.

The day was actually going amazingly well. At least until lunch time. After getting my food I headed over to the table my friends were already at. The closer I go to the table the more I noticed they were all huddled around something.

I set my tray down on the table, “Hello ladies. How’s your first day back from break?”

“You like school way too much, Tal,” Posie replied.

“Seriously,” Dasha added, “having to come back to school after having two weeks off totally blows. Any ordinary teenager would feel the same. You’re such a freak.”

“Yeah I know. What are we all looking at?” I asked.

“Don’t change the subject,” Katy barked.

“I didn’t, cause if there was no subject to begin with could I actually change it?”

“Don’t get smart with me.”

“Too late.”

She glared at me for a second, “But anyway, what happened with that hottie on New Years Eve?”

“No Katy, I don’t want to talk about that. I just want to forget about New Years and move on. Now what’s so interesting at our lovely little table, besides me?”

The look on Dasha’s face was like a little girl who got caught with her hand in the cookie jar. “I got my slam book back.”

I groaned, “I do not want to be a part of slam book talk.”

“Don’t be such a buzz kill,” Posie interjected. “It’s actually pretty funny. There are some mean things about me in it, but I’m bigger than that. It’s hilarious reading what everyone thinks of people in school. I know you could care less what others think about you, but aren’t you at least curious as to what others are saying?”

Well after everything I gave in and read through the slam book. Here are a few things I learned:


Posie:
-The perfect little bitch!
-With a body that amazing she’s either anorexic or bulimic. (There’s no way she’s either.)
-There’s only one reason Carter still goes out with her, SEX. (Yet I’m not positive that’s true. Even though apparently the whole school thinks so.)
-I know she’s only 16 but do you think her boobs are real? (Of course they are.)



Katy:
-One word, SLUT!!!
-Honestly, was she even a teenager the first time she had sex? (I think 13, but still that’s way too young.)
-She’s so pretty though she could have any boy in school. Or any boy for that matter. (This was in response to the previous 2 and others like it.)
-(And to counter the above one.) She can have any guy she wants cause she’ll sleep with them!



Dasha:
-The only reason little miss chubby is popular is because the princess’ daddy is super rich. (Comments like this made Dasha so mad cause she’s a little sensitive about her weight.)
-If her father wasn’t loaded she wouldn’t even have friends. (I’d still be her friend. Hopefully so would Katy and Posie.)
-I’m surprised and not surprised she doesn’t have a boyfriend. Surprised because boys like rich girls and not cause she’s kind of fat.
-Does she even have a brain inside that head of hers.
-It’s probably just filled with sawdust.



Talbot (Me):
-There is such a thing as too smart. (It was meant as a dis but I look at it as a compliment.)
-If she’d put even a little effort into how she looks she’d have her pick of guys. But the freaks too busy being an outcast. She needs to get a life.
-Can you say fashion disaster.
-She probably gets dressed in the dark.
-Have you seen her older brother he’s totally gorgeous. (I’ll even admit it. He’s a very handsome man.)
(Now I saved the best one for last. There other ones were fairly easy to ignore, mostly cause they were basically true. I also saved this one till last because it’s a horrendous lie. No truth to it what so ever. Yet it’s the one people like the most.)
-Does anyone else think it’s a little weird that her brother is 20 years older then her.
-Have you seen how much they look alike
-Her brother? Have you seen the way they act together? He’s more like
her father.
-You sure he’s not?

What the hell goes on in peoples heads. Of course he’s my brother. If he was my father I think I’d know. He’s my older brother and that’s all there is to it.

As I said before about the slam book in my previous entry, slam books are the root of all evil. (And now I have the proof that this is true.)

Thursday, January 3, 2008

New Years Eve Sucked

I don’t even know where to begin. New Years was 2 days ago but I’ve been to depressed to even think about it until now. I was going to go to this kick ass party that my brothers band was playing at. Dad had already said it was fine if I went to the party, back at Christmas. (Which by the way I got an awesome new I-pod. Also a $100 gift card to Barnes & Nobel, cool or what.)

But anyway, my father had said I could go, and then mother found out more about the party. My mother found out it was more of an adult party.

Which means there probably wouldn’t have been any other teenagers there. All peoples in their 20’s and 30’s. That meant there would be alcohol and lots and lots of drinking it. Also, (in only my mothers head) that meant there would be drugs.

Since Patch was going to be playing music he wouldn’t be able to keep an eye on me, with all the drinking and drugging going on. (The woman’s a little crazy.) I was officially not allowed to go to the New Years Party with Patch.

So, your probably thinking I sat home alone and watched the ball drop on TV. Nope, not me. Although, I wish I had. It would’ve been a much better night.

Posie (seeing as how she lives only a few houses down) came over that afternoon. I told her how my mom was now refusing to let me go to the party with Patch.

“What do you plan on doing then?” she asked as she flopped down on my bed, and picked up the seventeen magazine on the floor.

“I don’t know. Stay home and watch the ball drop on TV.”

“To hell you are,” Posie didn’t even look up from her magazine.

“Good article, Posie?”

She glared up at me, “Yeah it is. I swear there’s nothing that Hilary Duff can’t do.”

“Yeah ok,” I’ve noticed that Posie idol worships Hilary Duff. But I don’t get it.

“Alright,” she pulled herself away from Hilary, “I’ve had enough of this anti-social bullshit of yours. We’re all going to Lily Harper’s New Years Eve Bash. Anyone whose anyone is going to be there. Since you now can’t go with Patch to his party your going with me and the girls to Lily’s party.”

All I could do was stare at her. Probably with my mouth half open. “Don’t look at me like that Talbot Mercer. You are coming with me to that party.”

“I’d rather not,” I insisted.

“I don’t care if you don’t want to go, Tal. You’re going and I’m not taking NO for an answer,” Posie would make a great dictator. Cause I heard myself saying I’d go.

Posie pushed up form the bed and smiled. “Now that I’ve gotten a yes out of you let’s rummage through your closet and see if I can find you something decent to wear tonight.”




Let’s fast forward to the party. I got a ride to the party with Posie and her boyfriend, Carter. Can you already see a problem forming?

No matter if you don’t. let’s move on. By the time we got there it was around 9:30 and 10:00. There was already plenty of drinking going on, and I wouldn’t have been surprised to see drugs floating around. (If only my mother knew.)

Half the party was already drunk by the time we gat there. Including Katy and Dasha’s dates. They sure know how to pick them. Posie and Cater went off to find some of his friends. But before she disappeared she told me, “Just relax, Tal. Let yourself have a good time.”

I tried to do what she said. I really did try to enjoy myself. I wondered into the living room when I saw this completely gorgeous guy coming towards me. I had absolutely no idea who this guy was, but I didn’t care cause he was coming to talk to me.

“Hey sweetheart welcome to the party. You look like you could use something to drink,” and he held out the plastic cup he had in hand.

I could smell the beer coming from the cup. So, I pushed it back to him, “No thanx, I’m good.”

“What’s a New Years party if your not drinking? Try it you’ll like it,” he was very charming.

But there was no way he was pressuring me into drinking, “Really I’m not much of a drinker.”

“Well then tonight’s the perfect night to do it,” when he smiled at me I nearly melted into a big pile of pushover.

“But really though, beer makes me sick,” of course I was lying shamelessly. I’ve yet to drink anything.

“I could find you something else to drink?” he really wasn’t going to quit.

“Maybe later.”

“That’s cool. I’m Jonah, and you are?”

“Tal.”

“That’s a beautiful name for a beautiful girl.”

Of course I couldn’t help giggling like a complete idiot. I’d say Jonah was probably 18 or 19 and hot older guys didn’t talk to me. It was amazing. Jonah and I found a couch in the corner and started talking. He seemed nice and funny, and as I said before absolutely charming.

Eventually he went off to get himself another drink. I took a look at my phone and it was already after 11. When I saw Jonah making his way back over I noticed he didn’t have just 1 drink but 2.

He sat back down and handed me the drink. “I got you something I think you might like.”

“Thanx,” now I felt awkward. So, I pretended to take a drink then set it on the coffee table.

“So,” Jonah began setting his drink down as well, “how would you like to be my first kiss of the new year?”

I was to say the least a little shocked he said that. “I only just met you a couple of hours ago.”

He laughed a little at that. He moved closer and put his hand on my thigh. “That’s half the fun, sweetheart.”

“Uh, well I don’t know,” I wasn’t all too comfortable with were this was going.

He moved the one hand up my leg and then put the other one on my neck. “If your scared to kiss me at midnight we can practice now first.”

I didn’t get the chance to reply to that, not that I knew what to say. Before I could even think of something he was there, kissing me. The kiss itself wasn’t’ bad. In actuality it was amazing. It was when his hands started wondering.

It was when he started groping me in places that really made me uncomfortable. I pushed him away and told him to stop. Although, at first he just kept kissing me. I shoved him off me again, harder this time. “I said stop.”

“What’s the problem, baby?” Jonah asked.

“First of all I’m not your baby. Second, there is no problem,” I pushed myself off the couch
and out of his grasp, “because I’m leaving.”

I didn’t look back as I ran from the room. I no longer wanted to stay at the party. I went in search of Posie, and found her just outside the kitchen with Katy and Dasha.

“I want to go home, now,” I told her.

“Calm down, Tal,” Posie said sweetly, “We’re not leaving.”

“Besides,” Katy said batting her eyes, “I saw you getting cozy with some hottie a minute ago.”

“That pervert’s the problem. I want to go home.”

“There’s nothing I can do Tal,” she replied sympathetically, “I don’t have a license. Besides I can promise you Carter’s not going to leave the party early to drive you home.”

“Fine, I’ll figure something else out. See you girls in school on Monday.”

I ended up calling Patch and he came and got me for the party. Midnight came while on our drive home. We listened to the ball drop on the radio.

“Sorry I ruined your New Years Patch. I didn’t mean for you to have a lousy New Years right along with me.”

“I didn’t have a lousy New Years. No I wasn’t at some big party. But I couldn’t think of a better way to have spent it then with the world’s greatest little sister.” Then as he stopped at a red light he leaned over and kissed me on the cheek.

I’m so thankful to my brother for helping to make my night not a complete disaster. The incident left me so depressed the last couple of days I’ve barely been able to get out of bed.





My New Years Resolution: I’m swearing off boys. I’m better off without them. (Unless of course the right one comes along.)

Wednesday, January 2, 2008

Some of My Poems

These are a few poems of written recently. If you decide to read them I'd like to know what you think of them. :)



Your Light

Light and dark you think it is plain to see
But in the darkness I have seen a light
Not the true light as bright as the sun
One that shines down a path of pain and misery
You think you are doing right
You think you are having fun
It is all an illusion
But you ask me how I know

Cause I used to live in the darkness
Surrounded by everlasting night
Longing to see the day I have never fully seen
Never understanding why this worlds so full of hate
Why try to understand what you can not see
Evil lurks in the shadows that in the dark you can not find
Only in the light do you have the right of mind
To look out on the world and see what you have left behind

The day I saw that blinding light I heard Your loving words
“Come and let Me hold you tight and take your cares away
For if you live within My grace you will never worry another day
I sent My son to die for you and He has taken all your sins
Now let me be your Father for I love and care for you
I will always be watching over and let no harm fall on you
Cause you have always been My child long before you knew”

Ever since that Blessed day that I came to know who you are
You have always been close by my side
I try not to stray to far
Some days I find it hard to fight
This world that seems to be against me
Then I think of You and all that You have given
How you came to this earth and gave your life for mine
It makes me want to live my life
And worship you all my days

Although I know You deserve much more than I can give
I know what I can give is enough for You
I will rest in Your love and hold fast to You
For I know that Your words are nothing but true
I stepped out of the darkness and away from the night
Now I know who You are living in the light

God and Father help me to be more as you are
And sing Your praises of Your glory
So that all the world will know Your Lord


Losing and Finding Myself


It’s days like these I find myself wondering
How I could’ve been so wrong
So lost and so far gone
That I find myself running from You

And I ask myself
Will You still want me
After all I’ve said
And, after all I’ve done
Will You still take me back

I’m tired of running, I’m tired of hiding, and I’m tired of fighting with you
I don’t want to be lonely no more
I just want to know you more
To be surrounded by Your perfect love and grace

And I ask myself
Will You still want me
After all I’ve said
And, after all I’ve done
Will You still take me back

How could You love me
How could You love me so much, that you forgave my sins
You made me brand new
Everywhere I look I now see Your creation
Your loving plan of salvation

And I ask myself
Will You still want me
After all I’ve said
And, after all I’ve done
Will You still take me back

So I cry to You, my God
I cry to you for help
Lord, please take my life and show me Your unfailing love
For only you, my God, can save me from this world
From the heartache and the pain

And I ask myself
Will You still want me
After all I’ve said
And, after all I’ve done
Will You still take me back

I’m left with no more worries
I’m left with no more doubts
I know that You, my God, love me unconditionally and nothing I could do
And nothing I could say could separate me from the love you gave so freely
I thank you Lord for the rest of my days
I give my life to you and only you, my God



Where I Belong

I've been running for far too long
It's time to stop and find where I belong
To find where I feel loved
To find where the light of the world dwells

I find myself searching for You
I know that when I find you it will be right where I belong
I know it's in Your arms I'll be safe from all the world
From all my hurts and all my fears

To find the truth
To know the way
To live forever in this life and next
All I need is to trust in You and follow Your ways

I've been running for far too long
It's time to stop and find where I belong
To find where I feel loved
To find where the light of the world dwells

Knowing Your grace for me
Knowing of Your great love
Makes me long to know more of You
To know all of You
To give my all to You

God hold me close in Your hands
Help me to see Your loving plans
Help me to see what it is You want me to do
Cause Lord I just want to live for You

I've been running for far too long
It's time to stop and find where I belong
To find where I feel loved
To find where the light of the world dwells

To be here with You Lord for always and forever
To know You and Your loving ways
All I want and all I need is to live a life pleasing to my one and only king